CFL or NFL?
Ricky: One has a C in it and one has an N, and they both have FL, so they must be close to being the same thing.
Julian: The CFL is better. I know more about our teams and made a lot of money betting on games in jail.
Julian: Toronto. I shoplifted my first football jersey when I was five. It was an Argonauts jersey. I've been a fan ever since.
Ricky: I like all the teams with crazy animal names, because it means they should be able to kick the most ass. When we played, I always pretended I was a wild animal, drunk and high, and I would try and kill people.
What rule would you add to make football more exciting?
Ricky: I think players should be able to get drunk and high like we used to when we played when we were younger. There would be a lot more fighting, which I'm a big fan of, and players maybe wouldn't have to be paid as much.
Describe the ultimate tailgate party.
Bubbles: As long as there was lots of liquor and nice ladies milling about, I think that would just about do it. Oh, and a BBQ with big dirty fucking steaks on it.
Ricky: Beer, rum, mix, ice, big cups, burgers, dogs, chicken wings and fingers, chips, bars, 10 grams of weed, 5 grams of hash, papers, a bottle with a hole in it and homemade toothpicks.
Julian: Women, liquor, a pig roast and my buddies in jail getting out for the day.
If you're watching the Grey Cup with buddies at home, what do you serve?
Bubbles: I'm usually watching it with 40 or 50 kitties, so I serve a blend of homemade mackerel snacks and crunchy tuna bites.
If you played football, what position would you play?
Bubbles: Probably the kicker. They still get paid a lot of money but they generally don't get crushed by those big linecocksuckers.
Julian: QB - I like to be in control.
Ricky: I would be one of those vicious fuckers who try to crush the quarterback every play like sharks trying to kill something and eat it. If you get him and crush him bad enough, then the other team is fucked. Those players are fucking cool.
Which of you three is the best athlete?
Ricky: I'm bestest at most stuff like hockey and football. Bubbles is good but he can't see that well. Julian tries, but he always has that fucking drink and it gets in his way. He's good at lifting stuff, though. He has pretty big muscles. So, yeah, it's me.
Bubbles: I would say me. I'm fantastic at most sports, and people say I remind them of a young Wayne Gretzky when we play hockey. And I can run much faster than Ricky and Julian because I watched so much Bionic Man when I was little.