As Pride Month comes to a close, the queer community is in a period of reflection. With a long history of fighting for the right to live their truth, June is often a time to both celebrate and think about our collective and independent histories.
Through the last four weeks, Queer & Now has explored that rich 2SLGBTQ+ history, and the current battle for queer rights. During Toronto’s Pride weekend, we hit the streets to speak with members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community who were out celebrating and protesting, to find out what they would tell their younger queer selves.
ALL GROWN UP AND OUT OF THE CLOSET
What would you tell your younger self?
A variety of people from different generations who identify as queer shared their stories of perseverance and speaking their truth. From the age of nine (almost ten!) to 75 years old, everyone had something unique to share.
Several people shared their stories of coming out as members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community in the 1970s through the 90s. Sharing stories of persecution, stigma, love, joy, and death, many of their sentiments shared a common thread: Pride in their survival. Kate told us that she first came out in the 1970s, and her life has changed drastically since then.
“I would say [to my younger self] that you survived decades. I came out in 1974. I lost all of my friends to AIDS, [and] I was a caregiver. Then I lost so many friends through suicide and violence,” she shared.
“But I still have great friends that are alive. I would say to my younger queer self that you survived, and look how fabulous you are.”
Kate’s partner Leia echoed her sentiments, adding that she too, survived.
“I was luckier in the sense that I wasn’t out of the closet completely, so for 20 years I was married to a man, but I had a [female] partner. My husband and I didn’t sleep together. But really in retrospect, I would just come out instead of hiding.”
“Don’t let other people’s opinions and judgments and religion weigh you down. Because the more and more you become yourself, the more and more you begin to love and appreciate who you are. Then other people begin to love and blossom and appreciate themselves too. It’s a domino effect,” Sandra shared.
“Just be who you are and let things happen how they’re going to happen,” Carl said.
“I’m 67 now. Back when I was younger, [being] queer was really looked down upon. Plus growing up in an Evangelical Christian home, that was really taboo. But I’m glad to be able to embrace the diversity people have right now.”
“It really is going to get f**cking better, and you’re going to have to keep fighting. You can do both, just let yourself have the f**cking space to get here,” Fatima said.
Some people who had come out more recently shared a sense of relief and lamented the importance of finding community.
“Be loud and proud, and as bold as possible. Because that’s the best way to live your life,” Rachel shared.
“Loving the people you love is worth everything you’re going to face because of it,” another woman named Kate said.
“Hang in there, you’ll eventually find your community and find a place to belong,” Arjun shared.
“Be happy, be proud, be accepting of yourself and don’t let nobody tell you what you can be. If they do, just walk away and be happy,” Shamya shared.
“A lot of people will tell you it’s a phase, or you’re just trying to follow a norm, but at the end of the day it’s who you are,” Malika shared.
“I would tell her to take a deep breath and chill out. You do not have to figure it out this year or next year. And move the f**k to Toronto and get out of Burlington,” Kelsie said.
Meanwhile, some people reflected on how young they were when they realized their truth, and how they are happy to be living as their authentic selves.
“I would tell my four-year-old self that you’re right. Believe who you are, believe who you think you are because you’re right.”
“Don’t be afraid, it’s fine. You’re not alone and there are so many of us out here,” Emmy Tran, a queer Toronto-based artist, said.
“When I was ten my mom found my book of doodles and it was full of naked ladies. She thought it was so insane and I was possessed or something. Now I do it for a living, I paint naked ladies for a living,” Tran continued, adding that she would tell her younger self that being queer will eventually pay for her whole life.
We also had the opportunity to speak with someone who had recently come out and was celebrating their first Pride with their dad. Athena, who is almost 10 years old,, also has a message they would go back in time to share with themselves.
“Be more confident and know who you are, and be happy with yourself.”
Columnist’s Note
Meanwhile, if I could go back to the moment I realized I was queer, I would tell myself that leaning into my identity is going to help me create a beautiful life, because the sun truly started to shine when I came out. If you have ideas and topics you’d like to see covered in Queer & Now, please reach out to devon.banfield@brandongonezshow.com.
