Advertisement

Lifestyle

Buck a Fuck

Dear Sasha,

Strolling through the aisles of a local dollar store, I was surprised to see several styles of brand-name (Lifestyles) condoms for sale at the bargain price of $2 for a box of 12. I have seen similar packages ranging from $6 to $15 in pharmacies, and individual condoms sold in vending machines at bars/clubs for $1 to $2 each. Considering that most items in these stores are low-end knockoffs and/or well past their best-before/expiry date, I wonder if I should be concerned as to the efficacy of the cheaper condoms in terms of protecting against STIs and preventing pregnancy.

Cheap but CautiousCheap but Cautious

Generally, an expiry date on condoms provides a reliable indicator of their efficacy. I’ve called Lifestyles and left messages with a representative a couple of times and haven’t heard back – I’m curious about their responsibility for their product once it leaves the manufacturer. As you may know, it is not recommended to keep condoms in a wallet or in a glove box, since heat and cold have an impact on their effectiveness, and what a seriously discounted box of condoms says to me is “floating on a barge in the blistering hot sun off the Côte d’Ivoire for seven months.”

While doing research, I found the picture above online of a dollar-store shelf stocked with condoms. As you can see, the hand-written sign taped below reads, “Notice: Condoms Are Out of Date.”

If you are concerned, Cheap, what I would do is research sexual health clinics in your area. Very often, condoms are free in their waiting rooms, along with female condoms (not always available) and small packs of lube. Hassle Free Clinic, which quite literally has buckets of them, is one excellent option.

Wet and Worried

Dear Sasha,

I find this question extremely embarrassing, and I’m sure that there is no simple answer, but I guess I’d like to share in the hopes that I’m not alone on this!

I’m a bisexual female in my late 30s. I have to say my 30s has been a great time for sexual self-discovery. My first female partner reached orgasm very easily and was an ejaculator. I had had no experience of this!I’m a bisexual female in my late 30s. I have to say my 30s has been a great time for sexual self-discovery. My first female partner reached orgasm very easily and was an ejaculator. I had had no experience of this!

Several years later (long after that relationship ended), I discovered that I too could ejaculate, copiously. I have no doubt – this is NOT urine. I also, with the right partner, tend to have multiple orgasms. These can be extremely variable in frequency and intensity but generally build in intensity. An orgasm with ejaculation requires a certain type/level of stimulation and “letting-go.”Several years later (long after that relationship ended), I discovered that I too could ejaculate, copiously. I have no doubt – this is NOT urine. I also, with the right partner, tend to have multiple orgasms. These can be extremely variable in frequency and intensity but generally build in intensity. An orgasm with ejaculation requires a certain type/level of stimulation and “letting-go.”

But here is my issue. I know from masturbating that there is a minor risk that I could let go to the point that my bowels also release. Messy! And potentially embarrassing! The liquids don’t really embarrass me, but I don’t want to drop a turd with someone! This has inhibited me just a little. Does this happen to others? Other than perhaps a pre-lovemaking enema, I can’t see how to be sure that if I completely let go this won’t happen. Thoughts?But here is my issue. I know from masturbating that there is a minor risk that I could let go to the point that my bowels also release. Messy! And potentially embarrassing! The liquids don’t really embarrass me, but I don’t want to drop a turd with someone! This has inhibited me just a little. Does this happen to others? Other than perhaps a pre-lovemaking enema, I can’t see how to be sure that if I completely let go this won’t happen. Thoughts?

CS

Yes, when a person gets lost in an erotic moment, shit sometimes happens. It’s kind of like when you’re eating an amazing meal with a great group of friends and you laugh and food comes out your nose. When many of the things that cause the pleasure are so close to the things that help the pleasure function, things can get a little messy. The holes of life, they are grouped together very closely.

I cannot tell you that there is no danger of pooing during sex. Or farting. Or peeing. Or getting your menstrual blood all over someone. Or farting, pooing and getting your menstrual blood all over someone at the same time. What I will suggest is that you look into books and videos that focus on the pubococcygeus muscle as well as the sphincter muscles so you have some idea of how things function under the surface in your southern hole area.

An enema will help evacuate any sticky surprises, as will a Shower Shot. But please, don’t let fear override your pleasure. You are human. And humans pee, poo, get their periods and fuck all in the space of about 6 inches. It’s goddamn Manhattan in July down there, okay? Give yourself a break.

Got a question for Sasha? Send her an email here: Sasha@Nowtoronto.com.

COMMUNITY NOTES

Sex worker activist, former sex worker and Osgoode law student Wendy Babcock was found dead in her apartment on Tuesday (August 9). It’s believed she committed suicide.

I knew Wendy. Not well – her erratic emotional energy scared the shit out of me. I am wary of women (and whores in particular) who are so unpredictable. They remind me that so many of us are troubled, not getting the help we need and beset by misfortunes both personally and within the business. They remind me that I can be unpredictable, too. When you want nothing more than to be loved, this is a trait you must work continuously to hide. You must be cautious of people who betray it with such a stunning lack of restraint.

Wendy had a crazy-hard life, had not enjoyed being a sex worker and had been very public about this fact. This put her in an awful limbo. Abolitionists want people who have had bad experiences in sex work to stand with them firmly and call for its eradication, while many pro-sex-work activists do not want to align themselves with someone who openly says her experience was not positive. Wendy would do neither. She wanted people to have the right to do sex work, but she also wanted the right to talk about her own experience however it suited her.

Wendy was obviously gifted, obviously tormented, obviously a beacon for suffocatingly bad luck -lurching about putting carts before horses, yelling into megaphones, burning bridges and being raw, rowdy and exposed. Trying to be strong all the time with any tool within arm’s reach, be it sharp, blunt or heavy. How do you care for someone who is all over the place like this? How do you reach past the ferocity and volatility and hold the little dude?

I have friends who loved Wendy deeply, felt a profound kinship with her, with the small person still fighting underneath all of this. I respect Wendy’s will to survive. I respect her desire to feel peace, however she had to achieve it.

Advertisement

Exclusive content and events straight to your inbox

Subscribe to our Newsletter

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

By signing up, I agree to receive emails from Now Toronto and to the Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions.

Recently Posted