OK, we don't care how tough Mike's Hard Lemonade pretends it is, what with its Do It Like A Rock Star campaign and its faux fraternity character. It's summer, the time for refreshing bevvies down at the beacheroo, and we all know the truth: coolers are for sissies and girls. (Yeah! That's us!)
However, with the recent proliferation of cooler brands, even a macho man can get away with clutching one in his beefy paw without compromising himself too much. So here, for your perusal, are the coolers of the season. Pick your favourite hooch and make a match.
(From left to right, and all available at your friendly neighbourhood government monopoly, the LCBO):
Row 1: Oxtails Vodka Cocktail is a carbonated orange drinkie complete with beta carotene, so you don't have to eat your carrots -- just get drunk! $2.45 each. The "man" who brought coolers back, Mike's Hard comes out this season with two new flavours, vodka mixers Mike's Hard Raspberry Iced Tea and
Row 2: Mike's Hard Orange. $8.25 for four, 12-packs $23.95. Bacardi Silver is a citrus-flavoured rum mix: $8.45 for four. Woody's Ice Raspberry is vodka gone pink: $2.25 each. Tweaker party classic Rev is a caffeinated guarana-flavoured drink with vodka: $2.50. Smirnoff Ice is a lemon vodka mix: four for $8.25. Woody's Pink Grapefruit is, we hear, a très popular vodka mixer this season: $2.25 each.
Loaded Soda in Mambofruit has both vodka and rum: $7.95 for four. Bacardi Mojito Breezer is a ready-made version of the classic Cuban cocktail with mint and lime: $8.40 for four; $2.10 each.
Row 3: Extra Hard Tangerine is a nice change because it's cider-based: $9.95 for four. Tabu Single is a fruity carbonated vodka beverage in a stylie bottle: $3.95 each. Black Stripe has whipped up a pre-made strawberry daiquiri for $2.70 each. Pur Source is a carbonated vodka beverage with a lemon-lime Sprite-like taste: four for $8.25. Elquila is a lime tequila cooler: $8.95 for four. And Vex Hard Black Raspberry Lemonade is $9.45 for four.