Dear Sasha,
What’s the best way to dispose of dildos? Where should I donate my used BDSM, erotica and sex books?
SL
Dear SL,
Jack from Come as You Are, says, “Larger electronics like Hitachi’s Magic Wand can often be recycled via municipal recycling programs. We’re also looking at organizing a gear/silicone swap at the end of the summer.”
Carlyle at Good for Her also provides the latest information on recycling and donating erotic goods. GFE currently has a box at the store for people who want to recycle their erotic books and DVDs so others may enjoy them free of charge. Contact your local sex shops to see if they offer the same service. If you have any books or videos that are educational/sex-work-positive, you might consider donating them to a pro-sex/sex work social justice organization like Maggie’s or Stella’s.
“Toys,” says Carlyle, “are a little trickier because of health concerns. Silicone, glass or metal dildos can be boiled to sterilize them, so passing them on to friends after boiling them is something many folks will do. Anything that has an un-removable motor, however, cannot be sterilized. Again, silicone, metal and glass toys that have motors can be surface-cleaned relatively well and used with a condom for extra security, which makes it safer but not entirely safe.”
Toys made of porous materials like jelly or latex cannot be sterilized, “so sharing toys [is like] having sex with the people who used them and all the lovers they used them with,” says Carlyle. Those who purchase secondhand jelly or latex toys should throw a condom on the items or on their penis in the case of something like Fleshlight. (Alternatively, you could use a female condom in a second-hand Fleshlight.)
There is an option called Sex Toy Recycling. You send your toy in a Tyvek pouch they provide, they sterilize it (I’m not sure how, and I have contacted them a couple of times over the past couple of years to no avail) and fix the motor, if possible. Then they “use a patent-pending process similar to that used to recycle athletic shoes into rubber surfaces for basketball courts. The rubber and silicone is ground up, mixed with a binding agent and remolded into new toys. For sanitary and safety reasons, each toy is then coated with a layer of new silicone. The result is a sex toy made of at least 95 per cent post-consumer materials.”
As Carlyle says, “What a fabulous idea, although as far as I can tell they haven’t made any new toys to sell yet.” Seems like a great idea that simply hasn’t gotten off the ground yet.
Homemade Sex Toys (homemade-sex-toys.com) has really ramped up its message. A site that seemed mostly facetious at the outset now provides many genuinely realistic options on recycling sex toys. Check out some ideas on using old sex toys for practical household purposes.
I especially like the butt plug doorstops and the nipple clamp eyeglass keepers, and for the cycling and recycling enthusiast, handlebar grips made of old Cyberskin penis extensions. Before you send an old dildo off on its next adventure, consider using it as a mould to make cock-cicles. And before you dispose of old bullet vibrators, look at the creative options they’ve come up with to use them in conjunction with fruits and vegetables.
“Finally, for the brave,” says Carlyle, “Eden Fantasys has a classified section of sex toys if they still work but you’re just not interested in playing with them any more. I’m not sure I’d buy one from there, but obviously people do. And if you feel you can offer your toys with a clear conscience that you’re offering something with only good karma, albeit sometimes with bad relationship energy, then that is a great option!”
Dear Sasha,
I am dating a terrific new guy. Honestly, he’s got it all going on, including great moves in the old sackaroo. He’s considerate, generous, funny and cute in his own special way. I have one major problem with him: he loves to be affectionate in public. This is something I not only cannot stand it actually elicits pure rage in me. Every time he leans in for a smooch when we’re in line for a coffee or grabs for my hand as we’re strolling down the street, I literally want to pop him one. I grew up in a completely unaffectionate family and have always felt that PDAs are revolting – the cooing noises couples make, the sound of a kiss, even a meaningful gaze between lovers on the bus, it’s all enough to send me into a murderous rage.
Two questions:
1. What is wrong with me?
2. How do I tell my new lover boy to cool it in a way that doesn’t seem so hostile?
Don’t Touch Me
Dear Don’t,
A lot of folks find PDAs disgusting to watch, present company included. I also know I’m not alone in feeling they’re up there with elaborate gum chomping, whistling (this makes me homicidal) and talking loudly into your cellphone – all things that draw you into a person’s space unwillingly and unpleasantly. Perhaps you’re bothered by public displays in your own relationship because you’re anticipating the aggravation they provoke in those around you.
You need to address this before you’ve reached Tempertown, though – that moment when he innocently laces his fingers through your hair and suddenly finds himself in a figure-four leg lock.
A suggestion that puts the onus on you rather than him: “I am so attract-ed to you and feel so lucky to be with you, but public displays make me really self-conscious.”
