It's that time of year again -- it's too cold to do anything but have sex or diddle yourself. So here are some essential items to help you get through this tragic time.
Nothing says lovin' like a sparkly pink leather harness and matching sparkly silver dildo. Sample dialogue: "Get on your knees, sissy boy, and let me plumb your depths with my glamour stick!" (1 Harness $89.85, dildo $75.85 at Good for Her, 175 Harbord, 416-588-0900.)
You know how your cat lies on your crotch and purrs, giving you that "funny feeling"? Well, now you can make your own loving with a Fancy Feast-free Pretty Kitty vibrator (2 $49.98 at Lovecraft, 27 Yorkville, 416-923-7331) or a little magic bullet remote-controlled vibrator so James Bond can play with your... mind (10 $50 at Come as You Are, 701 Queen West, 416-504-7934). Or take some ancient erotic advice from The Concise Kama Sutra (3 $21.95 at Indigo, 55 Bloor West, 416-925-3536, and others).
Tie up your favourite naughty bottom with bondage tape (4 $30, Come as You Are) while you make her play obscure retro erotic card games (5 $9, Come as You Are). Roll the sex dice (6 $6.98, Lovecraft) and, if you win, paint your lucky love muffin in edible chocolate paint (7 $10, Come as You Are). Note: calories do not count when they are licked off skin. Proven fact!
If you're voyeuristic, kick back and watch Candida Royalle's Eyes Of Desire (9 $35.85, Good for Her). Apparently, it involves "a sensual awakening fuelled by the discovery of her friend's high-power telescope." We are a little bit afraid of what she does with said telescope. Please let us know.
Tickle someone's fancy with an ahhh-strich feather (8 $16.85, Good for Her) or grease up for whatever gets you going with some I.D. lube (11 $11, Come as You Are). Don't forget your love gloves (12 $.55-$1.50 each, Come as You Are).
And if you want to bust some animal chic while you're strung up, get your hands on these fun-fur leopard-print restraints and blindfold (13 restraints $40, blindfold $18, Come as You Are).