Hi Sasha,
I have a problem. I had surgery about 15 years ago for a benign prostate enlargement. It resulted in erective dysfunction, and I lost a wife because she couldn’t deal with it. I remarried, but the problem is not much better. However, the current wife is resigned to live with it. I’ve tried all the ED pills on the market, but they don’t work that well, including the penal injection. The only thing I haven’t tried is the pump that’s attached and squeezed until blood gets into the penis.
I would appreciate any other suggestions. Keep in mind that I’m now 70. When I was a youngster growing up, I used to listen to the Righteous Brothers, and I’ve paraphrased their lyrics, which I didn’t pay attention to the: “I have this loving feeling and when it’s gone, gone, gone…. Woe, woe….” Now I realize what they were singing about.
Jim
Jim,
I’m familiar with the features of the penis pump, also known as a vacuum constriction device. Like all products created to assist with erectile dysfunction, some people are satisfied with it, others are not. Satisfaction in this case has a lot to do with expectations and not really acknowledging the limitations of our maturing bodies. One of the most allusive phrases I’ve read in relation to the effectiveness of the penis pump comes off the website medicinenet.com: “Intercourse can be attempted with the constriction band in place to help maintain the erection.”
Intercourse can be attempted. See, this is precisely what everyone is trying to avoid when dealing with aging tackle: an awkward display of effort. If you can accept that you are now working with equipment that requires some assistance and if you also accept that there are myriad other ways of experiencing penetration and pleasure, you might be less put out by imperfect results. I like what the Cleveland Clinic has to say about the pump, specifically its application: “Good manual dexterity is also needed to use the device if manual dexterity is impaired, a willing sexual partner can learn to apply the device.”
What this says to me is that a readiness to integrate support into application is important. Learn how to create an atmosphere of sensuality or at least lightheartedness around the device’s function and presence. Make it part of the foreplay rather than something that interrupts it.
I also invite you to explore the dynamic world of lesbian-style sex. Many women who enjoy the affectionate company of other women are also quite wild for penetration. Without a penis – and the burden of its attendant insecurities – as an option for penetrative sex, we’ve come up with some ingenious contraptions and techniques.
Have a look at the film Champion by Shine Louise Houston (really, any of her work will give you a host of ideas) for some suggestions of other items to satisfy your wife and turn you on, too. It’s never too late to explore your butch top side, Jim.
You might also want to look into penile implants. This YouTube video shows one in action. Pretty compelling, wouldn’t you agree?
At 70, you may have been cautioned against any kind of elective surgery, but a nurse for a surgeon who performs such implants (and there are a couple of varieties) told me that you could be a candidate if you don’t suffer from diabetes or blood-clotting issues. It’s a fairly taxing surgery – the recovery time is five to six weeks, so you’d want to be in good shape for it.
Again, taking the heat off your dick and exploring other penetrative options is also really helpful.
Dear Sasha,
I am looking to purchase a new vibrator, since the one I have is over 25 years old. The problem is there are just so many different kinds that I feel overwhelmed. And the prices vary so wildly. I have no idea if the quality varies as well. Are there any sort of sex toy reviews for women to know what would be a good purchase? I was looking for a vibrator that also had clitoral stimulation. Please help!
Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed,
It’s true that there are many sex toys on the market and much to choose from – an almost dizzying selection, really. Quality does vary wildly and doesn’t always come with a hefty price tag. I’m always heartened to hear that a vibrator has given someone 25 years of pleasure. I imagine it’s one of those hard plastic phallus-shaped massagers, or a Wahl. Whatever it is, it certainly deserves a proper send-off and an appropriate replacement.
For the past several years, people have been offering their insights about sex toys on YouTube, which is a great forum because you get a more accurate sense of the vibration quality and dimensions of a toy than in a written or photographed review. I find the most comprehensive reviews are created by the employees and sex educators at Babeland. Their Youtube channel is here. Feel free to explore on your own, as well.
If you have money to spend ($50 to around $250), look into products by Hitachi, Fun Factory and Lelo. These consistently good vibrators are expensive because they’re very well made and often very pleasing to the eye. A wondrous array of attachments can be purchased for the Hitachi Magic Wand for penetration. Lelo and Fun Factory make rechargeable vibrators, which you might find more to your liking if your last vibrator was cordless.
