Toronto, it’s cuffing season. While some are boo’d up for the chilly months, others are trying to get over a breakup, and figure out how to heal and move on.
For the latest edition of This is Dating Now, we hit the streets to ask: how do you get over an ex?
Toronto local Kyle C. says getting over a breakup requires a little bit of intentional drama and reflection.
“I would want to be kind of dramatic and milk it for the first week, like, play a little Lana Del Rey in my room and just really think about, like, what could have been, you know, my movie star moment.”
Once the first week post-breakup has passed, Kyle says it’s important to start pulling yourself together, by leaning into a favourite hobby or work, and focusing your energy on something other than the breakup and your ex.
“Then you’ll find someone else when you’re least expecting it.”
Baby B. has a slightly different take, one that involves listening to an iconic popstar and getting all dolled up.
“You put on Britney Spears Blackout, you put on makeup, cute outfit, you dance, you forget about it.”
By taking care of yourself, whether it’s travelling, dancing in your bedroom, or doing things that make you feel good, she says the breakup will eventually become a thing of the past.
“You’ll forget it.”
Though lucky enough to have avoided heartbreak himself, William C. says he would advise those going through a breakup to turn inward.
“Just focus on yourself. It’s probably the best thing to do. Just try not to think about it too much. It’s good to move on, right?”
Local Kimberley L, while in a happily committed relationship, offers insights into the strength and healing power of friendship, advising women going through heartbreak to lean on their support systems.
“I would say, have a girl group. Have friends in general, go out, let them spoil you. You spoil them. It’s as important to have a friendship as it is to have a relationship, I would say, and your girls, you know, they care for you.”
“Be taken care of, open your heart, and you’re gonna be fine.”
She also offers advice to men who are in a similar position, noting that they may feel heartbreak more strongly and engage with their support systems differently.
“I would say you guys hurt even more, at least, that’s what I’ve been told. But again, it’s hard to ask for help. So, ask for help. Be there. Never say ‘no’ to an event. Go out, have experiences, and if the timing is not right, hopefully it will be Ok at some point. Just hope and pray and you’ll be fine.”
For Jacob J., moving on is key, citing it as a hard lesson he learned before finding his longtime love.
“I think dwelling is part of it. It makes the process more painful when you dwell on it, and so move on. And there’s different ways that that looks like for different people. I think the dwelling thing has caught me in the past, and I just think that’s the best advice.”
EXPERT SHARES TIPS ON COPING WITH A BREAKUP
Registered Social Worker Aneeqa Aslam from Toronto Psychotherapy Space offered advice on navigating heartbreak, noting that there is no one way to define the “healthiest” healing — but important to be gentle with yourself, while offering time and space to feel grief.
“Importantly, ‘moving on’ is very much a process. As such, I would say that it’s really key to give yourself grace during this time and to that end, exercise self-care and self-compassion strategies. Essentially, be kind and compassionate to yourself,” she said.
“You’re grieving a loss, and we know that the process of grief is complicated. Give yourself the space to feel all the messy and confusing feelings that may come up. During this process, try not to judge yourself for missing them, or missing the relationship. Being able to honour and feel those feelings is important.”
Aslam says she would also encourage anyone trying to move on from a breakup to strongly focus on boundaries, as they are meant to be protective, reflecting the control that we still have over our lives.
“What I mean by that is that boundaries are about you and what you can do. Having boundaries in place can be hugely empowering, allowing us to care for ourselves, gain a sense of control during the difficult process of a breakup, and they can help us create some structure for a time that can be very confusing.”
She also advises limiting your connection to your ex (as much as possible) by reducing contact and blocking, unfollowing, muting, deleting, or just hiding their profiles on social media. Additionally, Aslam encourages people to give themselves time before jumping into a new relationship.
And her last piece of advice?
“Be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself. Breakups are hard, even when they’re the ‘right’ thing. Remember, no two breakups are the same. Try your hardest not to compare yourself to others and to remind yourself that there isn’t one way forward. You will get through this in your own way and on your own time.”
CAI GRODEK ON HEARTBREAK, HEALING, AND ART
Three and a half years ago, Cai Grodek, content creator and author of Letters to Your Ex, went through a difficult breakup. In the process, he lost his partner at the time, and realized he had lost his own friends and community as well.
After the breakup, he felt alone and unsure of what to do with all of his feelings. He began making videos online under the name ‘whywithcai,’ sharing intimate details about the breakup and his emotional journey forward. Those videos, vulnerable, raw and deeply human, resonated with others and resulted in a community of more than 750,000 people across platforms.
“My whole mission is reminding people that they’re not alone,” he said.
“I’ve always wanted to have a physical thing that people can hold to be reminded that they’re not alone as they navigate their own heartbreak.”
That is how Letters to Your Ex was born — a collection of letters from people in 41 countries, all experiencing heartbreak — a universal experience that can also create connection and community.
“It talks about crushes, situationships, exclusive relationships, and anything in between.”
Cai was able to turn his book idea into an art installation at this year’s edition of Nuit Blanche in Toronto, inviting others to read, connect, and write out their feelings, all in the hope of helping them let go and feel less alone.
The content creator also wrote a letter to his ex, which is featured in the book. He encourages others going through heartbreak to do the same, emphasizing the power of release — and the beauty of reflection that comes with healing.
For him, the healing process is also about remembering who you are, taking it one day at a time, giving yourself grace as you grieve, and reminding yourself that, in time, everything will be fine.
“Remember that you’re not alone and hopefully one day you can look back and be reminded that you’ve grown,” he said.
“I think a big thing was learning who you are outside of other people and just as an individual. What are your hobbies and what are things that excite you and what do you like to do as you? I think often people get into the next relationship and then they immerse themselves in that, and that’s great, but then you don’t remember who you are as an individual, and I think that’s really important.”
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