Dear Sasha,
My husband and I are happily married Christians who have spent 17 years in a monogamous marriage. We have a goal this year, and that is to experiment a little more. We are looking for other Christian couples who have opened their marriages up and perhaps wrestled with the repercussions of this, and would like to know how they have reconciled their beliefs with their needs.
S&G
Liberated Christians (libchrist.com) is a group in Phoenix dedicated in part to helping “Christians overcome traditions with no Biblical basis.” I contacted them but haven’t heard back about groups they might know in Toronto, but in my own experience, all you have to do is attend any swinger or sex club and you will meet folks stepping out on God. They may not open up about this to their church and community, but there they are, practising up for hell by sitting in a caldron full of boiling water with a hodgepodge of others similarly bound.
Given that much Christian doctrine was invented in defiance of nature, it seems its followers will always have issues reconciling Scripture with the demands of their bodies. It takes a very lenient eye to misread things like the 7th Commandment along with all the other references to not lusting after or banging other people’s wives, premarital or extramarital sex and the whole Adam and Eve paradigm. When people attempt to satisfy both their desires and dogma, they are bound to run into a conflict or some very wildly divergent interpretations.
You can find an authority to back you up on almost anything you want to do (from killing hookers to having orgies) while still remaining a Christian. To me, it’s kind of like basing your life on something as random as, say, the lyrics to Led Zeppelin II – except that would have the added advantage of tolerance.
I like to imagine being granted intervenor status in a legal case that violates the Canadian Charter and be-ginning my argument with the line, “Your Honour, as Robert Plant says, ‘Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg,’ and then being given the opportunity to argue how this, as a tenet of my faith and therefore a legitimate perspective, pertains to the case.
But back to you guys.
I would encourage you to do a couple of things. One would be to start a Facebook group seeking out community and friends. Another would be to post on Craigslist. Both these things can be done anonymously. On the earthly plane, at any rate.
Lord of the Gays
Dear Sasha,
I am a gay man and have been gay since the moment I opened my eyes. I would barely breastfeed – that’s how gay I am. I am gay.
Recently I have found myself attracted to a trans guy. There was no awkward moment I knew right away that he was trans. I didn’t make out with him, and, much to my surprise, found out he had a vagina. This is what makes it all the more surprising to me. I am a cock-hungry faggot. But this boy, he’s got a vagina. I am afraid to take this further, should I be repulsed by the sight of it and hurt his feelings. I am not prepared to be this cruel, but the urge to get it on, in whatever form that takes, is getting too hot to handle.
Boy Lusts for a Boi
Thank you, Boy, for making your gayness clear. It is unfortunate that being gay for you includes a deep fear and revulsion of the vagina, though this is not unique to gay men. Occasionally, I find myself alarmed by the vagina. It has many mysterious features – kind of like a clothes dryer.
I will spare you the “gender and desire are fluid” speech, Boy and just throw some stuff at you to read: Transmen and the City: New York Magazine discovers the new trend of gay men fucking trans guys and incurs the predictable wrath over language, assumptions, labelling etc queertransmen.org: a site born in conjunction with a pamphlet created in our fine city by a bunch of trans men and their bio dude allies and lovers about health and such Trans men loving gay men loving trans men: a story by Shawn Syms, who is a really good writer (you should read his other stuff, too) notanotheraiden.com/faq: a homo trans man’s blog about being a homo trans man.
From his FAQ: “Ok. Do I have to go near… that? “Again, depends on the guy. Me? You’re not going near it. I can’t even say the name – sorry. Other guys enjoy it, have pet names (bonus hole, cockpit, front hole, trannycave) and take joy in being comfortable with the parts they were given. You’ll have to ask. And I mean ask, not assume and suddenly stick a finger (or more) up there. That’s a good way to get you decked no matter who you’re sleeping with.
“So you don’t have a penis and do have a vagina. Are you really even men?
“Is Mr. Bobbit still a man? Is a man with a bionic dick due to cancer of the penis still a man? What about a guy who got his junk blown off in war? There is more to being a man than a penis. Just as all of the men mentioned didn’t suddenly become women, trans men are not women simply by virtue of not possessing a penis.”
Sort it out, Boy.
Community Notes: Hey, everyone, when I say the word “pimp.” what do you think? And when I say the word “madam,” what do you think?
A bunch of folks led by Chris Bruckert at the University of Ottawa are doing a study on people who work in the sex trade in management. Have you driven whores around, answered phones in an agency, DJed in or managed a strip club or run a brothel? And have you done so since at least the year 2000?
Your experience is imperative. Sex work is on the verge of being decriminalized in our country, and the more voices heard from to dispel myths, define our business on our terms and add to our numbers the better. Compensation and anonymity are guaranteed. Many people involved in conducting this study have done sex work themselves and have in the past provided reliable and realistic information about sex workers to debates both academic and political. Click here to find all the applicable information.
Ask Sasha: sasha@nowtoronto.com
