Dear Sasha,
Just when I thought I had everything covered in the land of sex bugs, I found out that a person can get HPV in his/her throat.
I am not super-promiscuous, and when I do give head I do not swallow – mainly because the taste, smell and texture of come makes me hurl. But I’d like to talk about the risks here. I don’t smoke, so the idea of getting throat cancer from sex sucks extra-hard.
That Blows
Dear That,
I consulted with Lyba Spring, who’s had her finger on the pulse of HPV for well over a decade now. Here’s what Lyba had to say:
“The most common sexually trans mitted infection in the world is HPV. With a good immune system, 90 per cent of us will eliminate the virus from our system in a year or two max. Research is ongoing to establish a causal link between oral sex and throat cancer.
“The most common infection from oral sex is HSV-1 (the strain of herpes that causes sores).
People with a his tory of cold sores can pass herpes to a partner through unprotected oral sex even when they have no symptoms. So if you have had cold sores, the courteous thing to do is to offer to cover a lover before going down on him/her. In my experience, at a sexual health clinic, a minuscule number of people used barrier protection for oral sex.
“So what do we conclude? Were you covering every time you gave or received oral sex before you read about this issue? Make your decision now in the light of the risks outlined. Most important of all, talk with your sex partners about the level of risk you are prepared to take.”
Dear Sasha,
I have been married for 12 years to a lovely wife. I have always had this fantasy of seeing her have sex with another man.
We have talked about this, and she’s willing to consider doing it. The problem is, where do we find this man? Is there a straight male escort service in Toronto that caters to women/couples? Any suggestions would really help.
JK
Dear JK,
Your wife is at the tentative, willing-to-consider point. Meaning this is the point at which you keep your minds open and your legs closed and you in particular don’t take her cautious assent as a sign that all systems are go. Please try to refrain at this time from beginning sentences with the words “But you said….” That would only encourage insecurity and frustration. There couldn’t be an unhealthier note on which to begin an intimate adventure.
You can google “male escorts” and “Toronto” and have a look at the offerings, but I can assure you the pickings are slim.
You’ll find enthusiastic non-professional companions on Plenty Of Fish or Craigslist, but be warned: you may both find the ads and subsequent pre-sex exchanges a little jarring. Some guys get really excited about the idea of free sex and can be excessively frank about their assets. This is what seems to go through the average man’s head who’s looking for casual sex and is faced with the possibility that he might get it: “Oh, you want to have sex, too? Well, then, here’s a headless photograph of me standing in the eerie light of my computer screen wearing nothing but sports socks and squeezing my erect cock till it looks like it’s going to rupture.”
It’s an odd compulsion, kind of like the standard photo women take of themselves: head tilted to one side, hand on face, looking all cute and wistful. Clearly, there’s a discrepancy in self-presentation here.
Putting an ad up on Plenty Of Fish or Craigslist will get you plenty of offers. Please know, though, that fantasy is often very different from reality. And finding a gentleman who has done this before, who is willing to step away from a situation that isn’t going as well as the couple planned (like for example, if the husband suddenly realizes that the last thing on earth he wants to see is his wife getting banged by another fellow) before he gets his rocks off is also an important consideration.
I’d suggest a visit to a swingers club. We have a couple of beauties in Toronto. Wicked has a host of nice amenities, and Oasis Aqualounge is another. Oasis’s advantages include an outdoor heated pool where you can lounge around in the upcoming summer heat, and many finely appointed indoor playrooms.
Swingers are by and large friendly and open-hearted people. Be open about your fantasy and your newbie status and you’ll likely be able to bend some ears that have heard it all.
