Do you have any idea if you can damage your hand joints or bones by using a hand-held vibrator too much? Can it cause arthritis?
It's about time someone asked. For about two years now I've had a numbing pain in my wrist caused by what I've boiled down to three activities:
1. Trying to hoist myself up onto street signs to prove that even though I am well into my 40s, I can still pole-dance like a bouncy 20-year-old.
2. Sleeping with the back side of my hand smushed awkwardly against my face.
3. Jerking off relentlessly with a very powerful vibrator.
A chiropractor friend offered some relieving insight. Regular arthritis, osteoarthritis it's called, is caused by advancing wear and tear.
"If someone fractures her hand, then their bone and hand become more susceptible [to osteoarthritis] because the whole complex is compromised," she says, but adds that she wouldn't be worried about instigating arthritis from using a hand-held vibrator.
Drew Sahai, an occupational hygienist with the Construction Safety Association of Ontario, says that construction workers who use industrial vibration equipment for prolonged periods of time risk what is called white finger syndrome, which they often mistake for arthritis. Unless you are shopping for sex toys at Home Hardware and masturbating is your job, it's doubtful that you would suffer the same condition.
As for other possible masturbation-related afflictions, the chiropractor says, "Your body is designed for certain things, but any time it's doing something for too long, you risk a repetitive strain injury."
Masturbation is an activity like any other. Various activities can strain your wrist: waiting tables, using a computer, playing racketball. A combination of things may contribute to aches in your hand and wrist, and if you've strained it doing some, others might hurt as a result.
"Overall, there's nothing to worry about," she says. "If, for some reason, through this activity or not, your hand is more fragile, the vibrating might tip it over the edge, but if your hand is sore and is limiting your enjoyment, go get it checked out."
Is You Is Or Is You Ain't My Gayby?
I've met a really fabulous guy. We get along with an ease and familiarity that I usually associate with people I've known a really long time. And he is attractive! The problem? I think he may be gay.
I'm trying really hard not to succumb to stereotypes and generalizations, but he has very effeminate mannerisms. It has come up in discussion, and he insists that he isn't gay and that he is very attracted to me. But the fear of getting hurt if he later decides he's gay or of being misled lingers in my mind.
I've been in a similar circumstance before and that's why I feel so fearful. I know that, when it comes down to it, I can either trust that he knows himself and his sexuality, or not believe him (a bit hard because we've only recently met). I know that I run the risk of getting hurt in any relationship. Do I ignore what my eyes tell me and listen to what he says to me? Or I am just being a fool?
Have you ever been to any small towns in southern Ontario? When I go out driving in our beautiful rural districts, I like to play a game I call "Lesbian Or Small Town Southern Ontario Girl (Or Both)?" The point being, sometimes people just look and act in ways we commonly associate with certain social archetypes, in the aforementioned case, stout and rugged babes with fresh, fluffy mullets and light denim jeans. Recently I travelled to Calgary and was treated to the same visual feast.
Another thing to consider is that unless they are profoundly closeted or cruel, gay men have way better things to do than pretend to like girls. There are many enviable places and spaces and activities designed for them to have fun and be social and feel at ease with their sexual orientation. Why would they waste their time leading women on when they could be getting laid? It seems preposterous.
Now, I'm not one to tell people not to listen to their instincts, my adage being, "Just because someone says something with conviction doesn't mean it's true." Perhaps your new friend (and I stress both the words "new" and "friend") is gay and he simply can't get with that fact. Or perhaps he thinks gay men "have it going on" and has chosen to present this way despite being straight. You won't know until you take the leap, right?
I am very happily married, very sexually satisfied and very into porn. My wife and I couldn't be better off together, but for some reason I can't let go of my fascination with porno videos and soft-core Taschen books.
She's clearly expressed that she has no interest in porn, and so I've kept my predilection to myself. My problem is that I know I can't keep this a secret forever, nor would I want to keep anything from her, but how do you go about enjoying graphic content when it grosses out your spouse?
Once again I marvel that people make this kind of long-term pledge somehow anticipating it will extinguish all other forms of desire and that they are amazed that even though their sex life is healthy and satisfying, they still long for other forms of sexual diversion. Honestly, a little porn and some refined hedonism (yes, that would be Taschen) as an accomplice to a healthy relationship? Sounds pretty gnarly to me.
You need to get to the root of your wife's objection, and "because it's disgusting" isn't good enough. Incontestable contempt shuts the door to any logical communication and promotes a covert atmosphere. Anyone who agrees to spend eternity with you owes you at least an opportunity to really analyze conflicting interests, and vise versa.
People often have really legitimate reasons for finding sexually explicit material offensive but don't feel comfortable or safe verbalizing them. They associate it with a creepy person who did creepy stuff to them at some point in their life. Like many people, creepy people occasionally take an interest in pornography, and unfortunately those to whom they have been creepy end up getting exposed to it in unhealthy and exploitative ways.
Porn can have a jarring effect on a person as it is utterly unequivocal. Its one and only purpose is to turn you on - in essence, it is sex propaganda - and that makes a lot of folks really nervous. But people need to learn how to expand on their strong reactions without feeling threatened. Sarah Forbes-Roberts at Come as You Are recommends two books that may help facilitate conversation: For Each Other by Lonnie Barbach and The Good Vibrations Guide To Adult Videos.
I recently had sex with a girl whom I've had a major crush on for about five months. I won't go in to the details of how it all went down, but let's just say I was very cool in my approach, and she obviously dug me. While we were in the middle of it all, I said something kind of falsely modest about my dick, "I know it's kind of small," or something like that. She sai, without missing a beat, "Yeah, don't worry, I'm all clit anyway." Don't worry? As if.
I made a silent promise that I would no longer address concerns of size unless they brought to light greater, more important issues like world peace. This relates particularly to the enlargement pill letters (once again: no, they don't work), and ones where guys have obviously compromised their income and general quality of life because they're spending way too much time with tape measures, lighting effects, trompe d'oeil shaving techniques, etc.
I wouldn't be exaggerating in saying that around half the mail I get is about penis size, some of it psychotic in content: "When I'm standing in the living room facing the sofa it's around 5 inches, when I'm near anything blue it is about 4½...." It's gotta stop.
I genuinely believe the world would be a more peaceful place if men weren't so worried about the size of their dicks, so I'm delighted, really I'm just beside myself, at this woman's blasé attitude. No wonder you have a crush on her. She sounds like a whip. She's all like, "Who cares about your dick? I'm here for the wonder that is you." She knows how she gets off and she's not ashamed to tell you. A girl like this will definitely be into trying some nifty things. You hang on to her. I see a golden shower in your future, at the very least.
I'm looking for a supplier of urethral sounding rods made of stainless steel in diameters from 10 to 18mm. I'm currently using a 12mm sounding rod and I need a 14mm rod to finish off my stretching.
My wife can get her pinky inside me to the second knuckle and when she can get it in to the knuckle on her fist she will ritually pierce my frenum in front of a group of women. This marking ceremony/ritual is my lifelong fantasy and I will be forever in your debt if you can help me. I am spending a fortune at various machine shops, but a whole series of 12, 13, 14 sounding rods would make it a faster process. Can you please help?
Dear Randy Ron,
Northbound (586 Yonge, 416-972-1037, northbound.com) carries stainless steel sounding rods in a variety of gages, but they are calibrated in fr, which is a French method of measurement.
Judging by the photo you sent (hope you don't mind if I use it for a friend's upcoming birthday card: "Have A Hole Lotta Fun This Year!"), the item inserted in your penis looks really clean (and what the hell is it, if you don't mind me asking?), but I'd err on the side of caution when it comes to sticking things in my pee-hole. Steel comes in various grades and you could possibly develop an infection from a lower grade.
Sounding rods were used before antibiotics to ream out a gonorrhea-mangled urethra. You don't want to give yourself similar symptoms using substandard ones, do you? A Northbound employee comments that their sounding rods are also designed specifically for bodily insertion, so they accommodate the natural curve of the urethra. They are also surprisingly inexpensive - a set of eight double-ended sounds costs $100 dollars. Northbound also offers a helpful leaflet with their goods, and get this: they have sounds that vibrate. Care to live another lifelong fantasy?
Got a question? Ask Sasha: firstname.lastname@example.org