I am interested in spanking and would like to spank a girl who is strictly for being spanked consensually. Are there any places where I could meet someone who would like to be spanked or has fetishes such as this?
I don't know if you've heard of this thing called "the Internet." All you have to do is type in what you want and you can have it. Type in "knitting with dog hair," for example. You'll find a book that shows you how to do this and also maybe get a better sense of where I'm at in terms of things that pique my own interest.
Spanking as a sexual interest isn't something you should have any trou-ble finding online, though a will-ing and free partner for a novice might be a bit of a challenge. Put up a profile on a website like fetlife.com, a free social networking site for the BDSM and fetish community. There you can also join interest groups and learn about parties in your area. You can also learn the etiquette of fetish parties and get hot tips from old-timers.
There is a lot of protocol involved in the BDSM community, bordering at the best of times on precious, and many folks who are active on message boards love nothing more than sharing the ins and outs of their extremely fascinating underground life-style. Take these enthusiasts with a grain of salt if they seem a bit highhanded and smug. For many of them, this is all-consuming. Also,check out Andrea Zanin's blog. Her latest post is on ecstasy - the state of bliss, not the drug. May you find it in your pursuits.
After reading your column, I decided to give the ice cubes a try (Ice, Ass, Baby). Holy crap! You said the chilldo was too large for anal play and you were looking for a way to fix that.
1. Put the water in the condom and tie the knot.
2. Wrap it all up in a tea towel and keep the towel closed with elastic bands...
You've come up with a great innovation to the chilldo. By putting elastics around the tea towel you can also create ridges in the ice. Nice! It is a lot of fun creating phallic sculptures and using them in play. The body's ability to receive and melt these things quickly is quite specta-cu-lar.
Another way of creating a cold sensation in dildo form without having to deal with melting ice is by actually putting a dildo in the freezer. I know this seems like an incredibly simple idea, but it actually came to me because I work at a queer theatre and I opened the freezer in the green room one day to find a packer (the soft dildo that transmen and drag kings use to give themselves a bulge) sitting on a plate. I don't know why it was in there, but given some of the things I've found and seen in this theatre, I wasn't at all surprised. It is entirely possible that someone put it in there to use as a cold pack for an injury. Why waste a bag of peas, right?
I would also suggest trying a metal dildo. I've often recommended Vergenza's products. They heat up and retain cold very well, and their shapes are very anally compatible.
Several weeks ago I was sent a sex toy in the mail called The Intensity. I had my suspicions: anything with so many bells, whistles and promises has to have its flaws. It sat beside my bed in its box, patiently waiting for me to find the time to buy the 4 AAA batteries required to bring it to life.
The Intensity makes many of the usual claims, including, according to this arch video on the website a tighter vagina and better orgasms. Of all the problems I confront in my intimate life, orgasms have never been one of them, even when I was on 40 hits of Celexa.
I credit that skill to the Magic Wand, an instrument that could dig the little death from a corpse. Still, I was willing to give the Intensity, with its self-inflating pump to create a larger shaft, its unique clitoral stimulator and its two metal plates to conduct electricity to the vaginal canal, a shot.
I readied some spectacular porn and prepared for an afternoon of research-based self-pollution. Here's how The Intensity works:
You apply electrode gel to the metal plates (I know, already your sphincter is clamping in fear) and then a small bit of water-based lube to the end of the shaft. You insert it into your vagina and then pump so the shaft enlarges to suit your internal needs. Then you control the vibration and electrocution with a panel of buttons located at the base of the shaft.
Oh my fuck. Honestly, worst date I've had with a toy since The Tongue debacle of 1998. The model I received must have been faulty. At least I'm hoping it was. It turned on and off at will, and the electrical current went from nugatory to Frankenstein's monster in less than three seconds. It was terrifying, and I say this as someone who can handle some pretty intense internal stimulation.
I gave it another whirl the next day with the same results: me, lying back, core muscles trembling with anxiety, inserting the shaft, fiddling with the defective panel, increasing the electrical current, then yanking it out like it was a hot curling iron. Please spend the $250 the makers of Intensity are asking for this torture device with caution. Fans of erotic electro-stimulation may feel differently, but still, there are far better products to achieve this sensation.