Tarotscopes: Your monthly horoscope for September

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19

Aries, what an emo week you just had. It feels like you told everybody where to go and how! Or someone you valued so much made a very dramatic exit. It’s possible that the emotional transition from summer to skül dayz was more than a girl could bear. Whether you’re actually embarking on the certified sommelier program, or some kind of firefighting certification, the time after Labour Day just hits different this year. Perhaps you went toe to toe with one of your mentors, someone you care about, but you just couldn’t help yourself. Tbh, this all came by surprise. A dash of restraint could serve you during this Mercury Retrograde but truly, some bombshells can’t be mitigated. Emulate the clock, Aries, be on time, follow the schedule and be reliable. Better to review your systems and everything you’ve done well and make some creative plans for the coming season. You know “later”, don’t you Aries? It comes after NOW, right NOW! Take it easy- your feelings are extra juicy these days. Use them to create not destroy. 
Aries’s cards: 5 of Swords and Knight of Cups

Taurus Apr 20 – May 20

Taurus!! Are you alright?! I cannot step sideways without finding a Taurus who is keeping some sort of How about that Full Moon in Pisces, Taurus?! Death, smashed cake-pops and a sneaky situation just became really obvious and cumbersome. And now, all you can do is try to sleep it off. Alas, Rip Van Winkle, these enemies among us need sorting. First of all, you have your proof; you know the truth. It’s what you do with it that matters. Can you leverage it to get more of what you want? Can you use the wreckage to crawl up and over the castle wall? Should you keep your enemies close or delete, block and keep it moving? The possibilities are endless, ma belle vache, but you really have to enjoy dreaming. Allow yourself to really feel your feelings and rather than plan, this time choose to dream. The therapist says: “What if you could have whatever you want?” And I’m posing this question to you, dear Taurus, would you hang on to this duty if you knew your dreams were all about to come true?
Taurus’s cards:  Fortitude and 7 of Cups

Gemini May 21 – Jun 20

Welp, there goes that idea. Some final judgement is hitting and it may require laying off a whole department you were counting on. As Gemini often says, well…bye! The writ has been dropped and the shakeup is upon us. You can’t stop it. I advise you to get ready for a hell of a ride workwise. You’ll be busy so stay organized, methodical and fed. You also need to be rooted when you advocate- you can’t just yell out random comments and hope for a win. Strangely, this major change is going to eventually bring out the soft puppy princess in you. Summer was a face-drizzling dark time so we know you have that softness in you. The benefit of jarring times is it can make us more kind. 
Gemini’s cards:  Judgement and the Emperor

Cancer Jun 21 – Jul 22

Tender Cancer, don’t look now but you’re annoyed. You seem caught between wishing everyone would leave you alone and thinking they don’t give you enough props. Remember you’re surrounded by your beloveds. Your favourite work team or your friend squad, and maybe your family is finally all under one roof. Enjoy that. Don’t let your doubts and criticisms make you miss the moment. Your world is full right now, sir, don’t let your anxiety about the state of your eyebrows distract you from that. Some external change is about to make it impossible to sit down to dinner together. A few wins are also coming your way. How about don’t guess at what’s coming next, Crabbs. Enjoy what’s happening now. 
Cancer’s cards: 7 of Swords and 10 of Cups

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22

There’s so much coming and going, to-ing and fro-ing but with the really big stuff, Leo. Dreams coming true, dreams being dashed. People returning to Queen Street ready to make it look like Broad Street- ka-pow! Other key players- never to return again. Your name has been boasted to several overlords and ladies but the fact that such calls needed to be made…The fact that all of your backers or underlings were actually detractors has left you broken-hearted, unsure and low-key depressed. It’s not easy being the Sun. People forget you have feelings, and bello, you really do. What you once considered a luscious field of opportunity now feels like a desert of goblins and obstacles. Remember, we need rest and care after battle. Do anything you can to not focus on the shadiness of this world. Yes, it’s true society is sketchy but rainbows, magic and beauty are also true. One foot in front of the other, dear injured leopard. There’s more to do and the days pass quickly if you do them. And being that you’re the boss, you better get on the mic or this concert is ain’t going to happen! 
Leo’s cards: 5 of Swords and 8 of Cups

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22

Your decisive and sometimes rigid mindset has made you a huge fan of September. It feels like a win that everyone in your house has a place to be and a number of duties to attend to. Now each studio is booked and the let’s goooo energy is flowing. It feels like time to get after it. However, your celebration will be short-lived as the project you were counting on will die, suffer catastrophic injuries or be handed to the most anemic member of the team. It’s hard to make a Virgo jaw-off but this month will find you stepping into the spotlight to ask for a recount. Perhaps this will be one of many times you stand up for what’s right this season. You’ll find that people trust your outbursts because you’ve always been ethical, worked tirelessly and had a good ear. It’s healing for you to make change and be heard.
Virgo’s cards: 10 of Swords and King of Wands

Libra Sep 23 – Oct 22

Feeling stuck? Are you the new commander in chief and you’d rather be sipping boba and analyzing plays after the fact? September has a number of boxes for you to carry and it feels like you’re tip-toeing around lifting those weights. Will it be hard? Is this too much? Is there someone else who can do this better? There’s a lot of noise in your head, Libra. You are agonizing over something that is already unfolding. But noise is just that. Noise is a cacophony of possibilities and not a fact. This is your chance to lead. You can be the meditative coach and not the center doing all the sweating and passing. Everyone knows it’s Libra’s gift to be fair and encouraging. 
Libra’s cards: Hanged Man and King of Cups

Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 21

Ooooooooh, the changes that you’re facing right now, Scorpio! What a difference a year makes. This Full Moon was supposed to be lovely for you, Scorp, but I can see from your cards that overthinking is on fleek right now. Stop throwing down ultimatums and obsessing about how you’re being viewed. If someone wants to drag you in a twitter vid, the person to survive that and serve back is you, Scorpion. The worst has happened and you’re in a new place now. I dare say, this tragic event will be incredibly beneficial to you. But your feelings are bubbling over like a mishandled bottle of Mionetto. It’s a good time to be discreet- something that y’all are incredibly good at. And remember how often you have been mysteriously fortunate. You’re often more comfortable in suspicion and alarm and you don’t need that panic anymore, Scorp. Start counting the good instead of the horrors. 
Scorpio’s cards: 9 of Swords and the 9 of Cups

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21

Sagittarius; so much joy and freedom and a good load of shady ish too. What will you do with all that energy Sag! First of all, you need to look after your nutrition and water intake. Secondly, examine these fun friends and microdosing work days- is this really the best way for you to fool around and find out? Will you get rid of these frenemies so that you can rid yourself of daily drama? Can you not book an actual vacation instead of trying to get suspended from school? NewsFlash: you’ve already graduated from school. Any more face plants and your mini-fan club is going to dip for good. Lately you’ve been wandering around mushroom-picking without that signature confidence. It’s time to get organized. Check on your money. Re-book the appointments that you had to cancel. Call up your transcendental meditation ring, your psychotherapist, your ex-mentor. Make some plans, make some more money, create some projects for yourself, attempt a new thing (that’s not a crime). Allow yourself to say no to the questionable stuff and yes to what you know to be your best work.
Sagittarius’s cards: The Fool and The Moon

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19

Caps are always cool with staying in and streaming something but this time, it feels just a bit lonesome. Your biggest piece of work has been revealed and this puts you in the lonely spotlight. While it’s lovely to be appreciated for your heavy lifting over the last few years, the next project is already starting and that’s where your mind is. I’m wondering if the job you took on leaves you feeling cold but, in an economic downturn, the money sure doesn’t. What some people do for love, Caps will do for duty or income or both. No one’s getting rich from this one, so don’t be jelly, Capricorn-haters! Cap gyals would do well to find some complicated wallpapering project to fulfill their need for beauty, completion and joy this month. Whatever satchel you’ve been carrying has you thinking in a salty pattern, but it’s almost over, Goaty. I promise you. You’re almost there and it’ll feel so good to be done.
Capricorn’s cards: The World and The Hermit

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18

Oooh girl, your rant about the Queen and all her colonial gains have made your nostalgic friends turn on their heels. You might be right but are you right for the moment? I highly doubt your chums are crying about world domination lost. They’re weeping for a time that’s past, relationships and memories with their own more imperialist grandparents. Why are you interrupting a good cry, Dissociative Charly? Let people relieve themselves of three years of tension. Let it have something to do with streaming the Crown. Not everything is a big NXIVM plot. Have you noticed your thoughts get more extreme, hair brushing more repetitive, pontifications a bit more punchy when you’re anxious? You’ve been working hella hard, Aquario, but now you need to work smart. You have been appointed the lead on this mission, no one can take it away and there’s no government report to be filed regarding your efficacy. You’re good. Requiring yourself to show constant proof that no one is asking for is a huge time waster. It’s time to hush, create and calm your grits. Keep your hands busy and your most alien thoughts on a sheet of paper that you burn at the end of the day. 
Aquarius’s cards: The Devil and The High Priestess

Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20

Summer is really your jam, Pisces. Flowing shirts, face-framing tendrils, shimmering skin and day naps. What’s not to love? This time you got roped into something a little more confining than you had planned. WBack to school looks good on you, Pisces. That September feeling screams TIFF, PSL, cups of birthday cake gelato and shorts with a Scottish cable knit sweater. I meannnn, who can resist your dreamy early autumn looks. Make sure you’re sticking to a schedule, Pisces. You need exercise, smoothies and sleep but not double that of others. While you seem to be at max capacity, you’re making some real progress this time. It looks like pain and suffering are finally making you stronger, more responsive to your intuition and more generous instead of paranoid and obsessive. I love that for you! If you can talk yourself out of hiding from opportunity, you’re about to do some of your best work. 
Pisces’s Cards: 8 of Pentacles and 6 of Pentacles

Blessed with a psychic gift, Erika Schweizenheimer (@miz_GoFish) has been working with tarot and astrology for over 15 years. You may seen her popping up as gofishtarot at local markets and posh fleas around town. Erika gives serious tarot clarity to legal eagles, segment producers, “comediennes,” diplomats, graphic designers and stay-at-home zaddies. 

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