Dear Sasha,
I read Wishing For Clean Sheets’ letter with astonishment.
Is that girl so terrified of expressing any kind of disapproval of others’ behaviour that she thinks it’s okay to tolerate someone shitting all over her bed unannounced and without an apology? Is she scared of being “judgmental” or something?
My ex GF could puke and shit all over the place and all over me if she wanted – and she did a few times. But even she was (too) quick to apologize if it looked like it wasn’t the right thing to do at the right time. If my landlord or janitor (male or female) did that at my place, there’d be hell to pay. If my regular friends, male or female, did that, they probably wouldn’t be my friends for much longer!
Seriously, some people go way too far when it comes to being careful about not hurting anyone’s feelings.
PS: I wrote to you a few years ago, wondering if I would ever be able to live out my scatologically hyper-focused fantasies. You said I’d probably have to pay for it. Lucky for me, I had a wonderful time with a wonderful girl who thought it quite appropriate to unload her bowels upon yours truly from time to time. It was lots of fun and even romantic.
Brown Kisser
I am overjoyed to read this, Brown Kisser. Not your flabbergastation on behalf of Sheets, I mean, but that you found someone to lay a butt kebob on you for fun and romance. I’m often at a loss when it comes to this most maligned of fetishes it’s easy to resort to teasing and backhanded comments just to squeeze out my word count. As Sam Halpern (the dad behind Shit My Dad Says) says, “Look, we’re basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your job’s to help people shit or fuck, it’s not that important, so relax.”
Your story gives hope to all coprophiliacs struggling to find an eager and cost-effective partner.
“Hell to pay” seems like a strong reaction to what appears to have been an unexpected bout of diarrhea, though I understand that as a scat fan you are invested in contextualizing how and when it is appropriate to shit on someone.
It is fairly common for people involved in vilified sex play to create very specific etiquette (safe words, dynamic costuming, roles) around their desires. There are many reasons to do this, but one outcome is that it gives these desires a quality of soundness and authenticity that they are often denied.
I don’t think Sheets was afraid to be perceived as judgmental of a sneaky and inconsiderate scat fan. I think she found herself in an awkward situation that involved a very uncontrolled bowel movement. I don’t think her landlord intended to crap on her bedding and floor, and I don’t think she was worried about being perceived as judgmental for pointing this out.
Frankly, I don’t know what was going through her head and what the final outcome was, because I haven’t heard back from her. For now, I’m really glad you seem to be doing well.
I Am Curious (Straight)
Dear Sasha,
I am a 47 year-old male, and I like to use dildos and other things to stimulate my anus four or five times a week. I really enjoy it, but lately I have been using not only body cream to lubricate the tools, but sometimes shampoo (for babies) or soap. Is it dangerous to use those kinds of liquids?
Sometimes I think I want some dick, because a penis has to be more comfortable than a piece of rubber or a carrot. But due to the fact that I don’t like men – I have a girlfriend – maybe the solution is a she-male.
I watched some videos, and they drove me so hot. In reality, are they available to give and to receive, too? Am I gay? Bisexual? Or a curious straight male?
Me
You don’t need me to classify and referee your orientation. You’ve done a perfectly good job of it yourself. You are Me.
In her book Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman On Sexism And The Scapegoating Of Femininity, Julia Serano writes, “Once I accepted my own transsexuality, then it became obvious to me that the question ‘Why do transsexuals exist?’ is not a matter of pure curiosity but rather an act of non-acceptance, as it invariably occurs in the absence of asking the reciprocal question: Why do cissexuals exist?”
I disagree with this to some extent, in that I do wonder why cissexuals exist (humans in general, really) but it’s a good point. You are judging yourself by a paradigm that assumes it is the natural and superior standard and that everything that deviates or strays from it requires justification.
Why do you have to define your orientation? And why, when you use the terms “gay” and “bisexual,” do they require no qualifying adjectives but “straight” does? You are you you are curious.
“Eventually, I realized that dwelling on ‘why’ was a pointless endeavour,” writes Sernano. “The fact is that I am transsexual and I exist, and there is no legitimate reason why I should feel inferior to a cissexual because of that.”
Yes, Me, there are she-males who like to give and receive, but as a caveat, this is a label used primarily by transsexual women in the sex trade. Just about all women, from the infinite possibilities that define this gender, highlight their “exoticism” when selling sex, generally in ways that would be considered offensive outside of this context.
So then, shampoo or soap in your bum. Not such a good idea. Your rectum is made of tissue that likes to stay moist. Shampoo and soap, despite their promises to moisturize, do not do so in the manner required of this area.
Store-bought lubricant, both water based and silicone, are two fine options. Most culinary or massage oils are fine as well, depending on the circumstances. Go here for toy care and suitable lubricants.
Got a question? Ask Sasha: sasha@nowtoronto.com
