Dear Sasha,
I discovered female ejaculation about four years ago and have been joyfully squirting on myself and others ever since. About a month ago, though, after I had rough sex involving lots of ejaculating, a swollen lump of flesh appeared on my vulva, about the size and shape of a slug (gross, but the only comparison I can think of).
After a few days the swelling went down, but I was left with some new flesh close to my urethra, and every time I’ve had sex since my new bit has become swollen. I suspect that it’s connected to the glands and fluids that create female ejaculate.
I’ve got a doctor’s appointment booked, but like so many people, I’ve had bad experiences with sex- negative gynos and I’m worried that she’ll dismiss my self- diagnosis, or worse, not know how female ejaculation works. Are you up on your ejaculation research? Have you ever heard of someone’s ejaculation gland thing coming out of their body?
Freaked Out and Terrified I’ll Never Ejaculate Again
I sought out the opinion of three women I know in the field of female ejaculation and/or sexual education and got some pretty divergent feedback – keeping in mind of course, that none of them has examined you personally.
“I kind of doubt that it’s new skin, but rather the corrugated, engorged female phallus,” says Shannon Bell, performance philosopher, academic, fast feminist and ejaculation workshop leader. “I would recommend chapter two, The Female Phallus, in my book Fast Feminism. Reverse Kegels can work to release swelling. Pumping the fluid out and doing Kegels make the glands and ducts surrounding the urethra bigger.
“Definitely see a doctor for an internal exam,” she says, “but to me sounds like a female phallus quick to arousal – and if there is no pain, enjoy.”
As I mentioned, Bell teaches ejaculation workshops, so try to make your way to one of them. They are offered mostly through Come as You Are.
Lyba Spring is an independent sex educator who’s worked at Toronto Public Health.
“When she says ‘new flesh,’ it could be anything from a skin tag to a polyp to a swollen vestibular gland or Bartholin’s gland cyst,” says Spring. “I am neither a doctor nor a nurse, but she does need to see a doctor who may want to biopsy this bit of flesh.
She does not even need to talk about ejaculating if she doesn’t feel comfortable disclosing this part of her enjoyment, but the rough sex description will be useful to her doc.”
Spring suggests you have a look at this documentary on the CBC website.
I watched it yesterday and once again was amazed that we still don’t have hard and fast knowledge when it comes to G spot stimulation, its anatomy and fluid, and possible side effects, but I guess thousands of years of mythologizing, denigrating and suppressing female sexuality is bound to have some obscuring effect, right? As Bell so aptly puts it in Fast Feminism, doctors like John Perry and Gary Schubach “continue to play off one another’s research.”
One thing that didn’t surprise me at all is that plastic surgeons have gotten in on the G spot game and are injecting collagen into the area to “improve” women’s internal orgasms. The timeless combination of pleasure and panic has always been a gold mine.
Carlyle Jansen from Good for Her says, “I’ve heard that some women’s Skene’s glands (in the vagina near the urethra, where ejaculate comes out) or Bartholin’s glands (near the vaginal opening, adding a little lubrication at beginning of arousal) can become swollen.”
Jansen recommends Sheri Winston’s book Women’s Anatomy Of Arousal. “She describes these glands in better detail than anyone I know,” she says.
If you’re queer, I suggest you put your name on a waiting list to get a doctor at Sherbourne Health so you don’t have to get yourself all wound up about future “what’s that on my vulva” visits.
Aside from the discomfort of running into everyone you’ve ever slept with, fought with, organized social justice events with and partied with in the waiting room, the services offered are amazing. My doctor is there, and I love her. She knows everything about my dirty, stupid life and does everything she can, in a calm and measured manner, to make sure I have the best care possible.
My personal opinion? I’m going to bet you 20 bucks that you will ejaculate again. Thousands of years of sexual shaming and misguidance lead us to believe that when we’ve had “too much fun” with our genitals we’ve broken them, but for the most part it’s just not true. Sure, sometimes we do things that compromise their workability, but they are resilient, these organs.
Dear Sasha,
I am going through a bit of a renaissance with my sexuality and body image – though renaissance implies I’m being reborn. I think it’s more appropriate to say I’m being born after years of erotic oppression.
I want to have my labia pierced. Thing is, I’m 67. I’ve been through menopause and am aware that the skin on my vulva and in my vagina is thinner. Will this be an issue? And can you recommend any good piercing shops or studios where a woman past her prime, so to speak, will not be treated like a relic or a curiosity?
Monica
BDSM professional Morpheous suggests you look at the work of Fakir Musafar, the grandfather of the modern primitive movement who, at age 82, continues to explore intense body modification.
“A reputable piercing company will be sensitive and take the right amount of time to make sure she gets what she wants and that it’s right for her genital type,” Morpheous says. “The best guy I know in the city is at sixbodyart.com. His work is exceptional, and he’s very nice and professional.”
I spoke with Six, who says the only concern in piercing older skin is the obvious sagging that comes with putting a weighted piece in less elastic flesh. Six has pierced many older people and says, “An eyebrow or an ear lobe gets weasker with age, so a month after it sags a little bit.” Genital work on a male or female would produce a similar effect.
A mid-range gauge – 10 or 12 – is apparently your best bet because, as Six says, “a smaller gauge would tear a lot easier and a larger piece would really sag.”
Six’s website provides a good template for what you should be looking for in a reputable piercer. Don’t be shy about asking questions and visit the spaces in advance that seem decent to you.
