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Thursday, December 9
HOLMES FOR THE HOLIDAYS In the spirit of the season, hunky house renovator Mike Holmes comes to the rescue of a couple who, cruelly abandoned by their original contractor, have been living in their unfinished Toronto basement. 8 pm on HGTV, repeated at 11 pm and 2 am
Friday, December 10
MOST HAUNTED This silly/scary Brit series finds a team of paranormal experts camping out in creepy castles as they attempt to contact the other side while being followed by a TV crew using black-and-white video cameras and flashlights à la Blair Witch Project. 8 pm on W, repeated at midnight
FAMILY GUY Thinking it will help his doltish son succeed in business, Peter tries to convert Chris to Judaism. Until tonight, the reactionary U.S. net has refused to broadcast this Hanukkah episode. 9 pm on Fox/Global
Saturday, December 11
NOVA Tonight’s two-hour instalment – Origins: Where Are The Aliens?/Back To The Beginning – explores the big bang theory and how the colossal, mind-boggling forces of the early universe made it possible for habitable worlds to emerge. 8:15 pm on PBS
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Get ready for a slew of gay Macedonian jokes when the not-so-great Alexander’s Colin Farrell hosts. Musical guests: ambisexual Scissor Sisters. 11:30 pm on NBC/Global
SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964, dir Nicholas Webster, w/ Pia Zadora, John Call and Leonard Hicks) You want mind-boggling? Four-year-old Zadora makes her screen debut in this seasonal campy classic that finds the adorably deplorable moppet involved in an intergalactic kidnapping scheme. 1 am on WKBW
Sunday, December 12
SURVIVOR: VANUATU Two-hour series finale followed by an instant 60-minute reunion special. Wouldn’t these people hate each other by now? 8 pm on CBS
TRAILER PARK BOYS CHRISTMAS Ricky gets out of jail in time for the holidays, Julian receives a mistletoe belt buckle from an unwanted admirer, and Bubbles wonders if God and Santa are the same person. 9 pm on Showcase, repeated Tuesday at 11:30 pm and 3 am
Monday, December 13
THE GEMINI AWARDS Attempting to breathe fresh air into a stale format – and present statuettes to the best of Canadian TV – this year’s show promises lotsa yucks from Ron McLean , Don Cherry , Gavin Crawford , Cathy Jones , Brent Butt and the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee . And then there’s Ben Mulroney . 8 pm on CBC
Tuesday, December 14
WHAT ABOUT ME: THE RISE OF THE NIHILIST SPASM BAND Making the Pixies look like pipsqueaks, this London, Ontario, noise collective has been terrifying audiences since the 60s. 3 am on Bravo
Wednesday, December 15
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS Boris Karloff narrates Dr. Seuss’s beloved animated classical. Thankfully, Jim Carrey had nothing to do with this original TV version. 8 pm on CBC
BIOGRAPHY OF THE YEAR Dubya stealing a second election? Paris Hilton for her night-vision video? Janet Jackson’s malfunctioning wardrobe? Or perhaps William Shatner’s umpteenth come-back? Find out who gets the nod when the U.S. cable station announces its newsmaker of the year. 8 pm on A&E, repeated at 10 pm
