Neko Case’s sixth album depicts the singer/songwriter as uncertain, vulnerable, defiant and alone – a departure from her independent-woman-on-a-Vermont-farm fierceness. The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You (Anti-) is bracingly personal, Case’s powerful voice delivering lyrics that refuse to pussyfoot.
In the four years since her Grammy-nominated Middle Cyclone, she lost both parents, her grandmother and friends. Grief-induced isolation informs every stripped-down slow-burner, railing rocker and sobering alt-country lament. Over buttered toast in a hotel restaurant, the musician, also a member of power pop band the New Pornographers, opened up even more.
You’ve described the making of this album as a “hilarious and embarrassing march.” Can you say more?
I was going through grief-based depression. Feeling pretty numb. Being clumsy and not having any skills. I didn’t find things funny for a long time. I could logically think, “You used to be funny and fun and you’re not any more,” which would make me really sad. There wasn’t a lot of spark. I couldn’t conduct electricity. I would’ve written [an album] like I normally did – more stories, more vignettes – but this is what I had at the time. There’s humour in it, too. Feeling sorry for yourself gets funny after a while. You’re like, “Oh come on, you goth teen. Put on a rainbow shirt and go outside for a minute.”
Gender issues come up in many songs. Being a woman but feeling like a man, discomfort with being seen as “a lady.” Was that related to the grief somehow?
It must be, because grieving will take away your self-confidence, which makes you wonder who you are. It makes you ask, “Am I who I thought I was?” Like, I definitely see myself as way less female than male. And I used to be able to pull off female, but I don’t know I’m very good at it. It doesn’t have anything to do with my sexual identity. It’s just that I feel more like a Daniel Boone cartoon or Jeremiah Johnson than I do Laura Ingalls Wilder.
What does being a man mean to you?
In the song [first single], Man, I say, “That’s what you raised me to be.” I was raised by television, and marketing to children was really segregated then. [Toys were] either for boys or girls, and the cooler choice was always for boys. Why would I choose anything but the Boy Scouts, with the awesome buck knives? Did I want to be president or First Lady? Of course I wanted to be president! So I’m figuring out who I am again, kind of. I’ve always been a tomboy. A dirty little, grubby little, aggressive little kid, you know? And I’m okay with that. It took me about 15 years to realize, “Stop buying dresses. You don’t feel comfortable in them.” Same with wearing lipstick. I feel like everybody is staring at my mouth. Like I’m in drag but don’t want to be.
Have you read Just Kids, Patti Smith’s memoir? What you’re saying reminds me of parts of it.
I’ve been saving it. I love her music, so I can’t wait.
It’s fantastic, but I struggled with the part where she talks about having had this dream of nurturing a male artist.
But it’s about visualization. When you’re a kid, it means everything in the world to see the cookie-cutter image of “This is girl,” and then “This is girl as fireman.” You have to see that – otherwise, you might not necessarily visualize it. [Smith] grew up a generation and a half before me, so what she was shown and told was completely different than what I got in the 70s.
That’s one of the things that makes me realize how fucking lucky I was. When I say, “Well, I’m a guy and blah blah blah,” and someone tries to correct me with, “Actually you’re a girl,” I’m like, “Why do you feel the need to correct me? This is America. I can be whatever the fuck I want.” I took that to heart. That was my declaration of independence, my American flag, my everything. And I want that for everybody in the world, not just Americans.
For sure.
But [Smith] is tough and she knows she’s tough, and I’m so glad you told me she was honest about wanting to nurture a male musician. I thought that’s what I wanted, too. But then I realized I didn’t want to go out with those guys – I wanted to be them. And when I figured out that, I became who I am.
carlag@nowtoronto.com | @carlagillis
