Every time I use my phone in public, I’m offending someone.
If I check in on Foursquare, jaws drop and heads shake. If I tweet something, outrage ensues. If I send an email in public, it’s as if I pulled my pants down in a crowded playground. It’s completely unacceptable.
Digital manners, they’re called. Apparently I have none.
In recent weeks there’s been a fuss about people who use their phones freely and without fear.
It started with David Carr, the New York Times columnist who wrote Keep Your Thumbs Still When I’m Talking To You, an overview of all the bad digital behaviour he witnessed at SXSW.
In Austin, Texas, recently, a woman was thrown out of a theatre for using the light of her phone to find her seat. (The theatre, which has a strict no texting rule, claims she was texting.)
These overreactions are frequent and almost always championed by the phone-less.
Well, this charade has gone on long enough. No, I’m not rude because I use a phone. And here’s why.
Phones are a new paradigm.
European colonists first settled in North America in the 17th century before the fork had become widespread. It took several decades for people on this continent to adopt a generally accepted set of rules for its use. Even today these are fiercely debated. (I myself prefer the European style.)
The same principle is at play with phones. Smartphones are less than 10 years old. So mobile phone manners are still being worked out. Just as with the fork, it will take time to get them properly integrated into polite society. So chill out.
Can’t you see I’m working over here?
I think it’s marvellous that so many people don’t need to check email off-hours for their jobs. These people are an elite group – lucky to work in antiquated positions that don’t require the mobile internet.
Not all of us are so privileged. Like many who use their phones in public, I’m often working. My job is online, which requires me to be. Rude? Sometimes. But I won’t quit my job over it.
No, you can’t “just check something.”
The people who call me impolite for looking at my phone in public are the same types who are always asking me to look things up for them. Addresses, phone numbers, movie times. Sure, when it suits them, iPhones are a wonderful tool. But if I so much as touch my phone while they’re holding court, I’m branded a digital savage. #Arrogance.
Talking, texting, tweeting, Tumbling – it’s all the same.
And if it’s acceptable to look at a phone to check the time or to call someone, why can’t I also update my Tumblr blog in that same space of time? Why does calling someone hold more water than blogging or tweeting?
But most of all..
..it’s the value judgments (whatever I’m doing on my phone is not as important as what’s going on elsewhere) that make me resent anyone who calls me rude.
Sometimes what I’m doing on my phone is important – dare I say more important than what you’re saying to me while I’m looking at it.
Of course, there are instances when mobile phone users are blatantly rude. But to say everyone with an iPhone is a brute is overdoing it.
So it’s time to reframe the debate.
Think of it as a battle for your attention: on one side there’s what’s going on in real life, and on the other what’s happening on your phone. Whatever is most important should win your gaze. If that offends some people, so be it. Rather than call me rude, those people should think of something more interesting to say to win my attention back.
joshuae@nowtoronto.com | twitter.com/joshuaerrett
