Is the mayor packin' heat? Rob Ford shifted nervously before ignoring a question put to him by a reporter last week about whether he owns a gun. He did that blinking thing he does when he's not being completely truthful.
Maybe we're reading too much into his body language. We parse the evidence.
10 sure signs he's not
1. Guns are for punks, and the mayor is no punk. He's a loose cannon. (Hmm, that's bigger than a gun. Next.)
2. It's too easy to point to any number of votes of the mayor's - against council's call for the feds to save the long gun registry, for example - as evidence the mayor's sympathetic to gun owners. Ford also voted against funding for AIDS prevention programs, and we all know he's no homophobe, right?
3. So what if one of his Etobicoke neighbours shares the last name of a famous mobster and his sister's ex is a shady character who shot up the Ford home once? Any alleged ties, tangential or otherwise, to underworld types is purely coincidental.
4. The mayor can handle himself. He proves it by having no security detail.
5. Ford shoots from the lip, not the hip. Otherwise, he might hurt himself.
6. Rob's the sensitive one in the family. He's an angler, not a shooter.
7. The fact that Ford's Etobicoke home is outfitted with security cameras has nothing to do with perceived threats to his personal safety.
8. He'd be the first to say if he did have a gat. Good branding for his base.
9. The mayor's been firing blanks ever since he lost that big subway vote back in March.
10. Who're we kidding? Ford don't need no gun. He can call 911 any time he wants and the cops will show up lickety-split.
10 sure signs the mayor's holdin'
1. You can't get a better handle for a wannabe gangsta than Rofo.
2. The mayor has an affection for gun metaphors, often wanking about how he's not going to let anybody hold a gun to this head.
3. Ford walks around like he's got something huge stashed in his pants. Maybe it's his big, fat wallet, but....
4. Check the way he blithely goes about his biz when a crisis is breaking. Definitely the behaviour of an Untouchable.
5. His list of campaign donors includes shady businessmen with questionable ties to that entertainment district shakedown a few years back that caught cops with their hands in the cookie jar.
6. It can fairly be said that the Ford administration suffers from a bunker mentality. And paranoia can be a bitch.
7. Brother Doug used to live in Chicago. Connect the dots.
8. Those death threats we read about from time to time haven't been fully explained.
9. The mayor's fave resto is a joint in the 905 that specializes in veal parmigiana and where he's got his own table.
10. He shares the same name, Robert Ford, with the outlaw (coward?) who offed Jesse James in the Wild West. That's just too weird to be a coincidence.