Jersey Shore’s Italian job

10 stereotypes of Italian men, according to MTV's Jersey Shore

Ten things you may not know about Italian males, as inspired by MTV’s tanned, buff and gel-soaked Jersey Shore.[briefbreak]

• Point numero uno – we don’t consider the term “Guido” a slur. It’s a lifestyle, a state of mind. Like, a lot of famous Italians are named Guido. Take Guido Sarducci, for example.

• We love House Music, but not for the beat. No, no, nooo. It’s the fist-pumping we’re really into because it affords the opportunity to show off our pipes – that means biceps for those of you out there not from the west end.

• Don’t believe the hype. It should take no more than 25 minutes to do your ‘do, unless you’re prepping to go out on a Saturday night and you have to break out the heavy artillery ie: a hair iron.

• We’re into our bods, big time, but not all of us give our favourite muscled parts pet names – ie: abs = The Situatin. There’s only one body part worth Christening, but that would be inappropriate to mention here.

• Boxers, not briefs, but we can be persuaded to wear just about any under garment with a leopard-skin print – when we’re not going commando.

• Spray-on tans? Hell ya. It’s not just skin deep, cosmetic shit. It’s cheaper than a booth at a spa or trip to Mexico, which is important when you’re trying to save up for that new tattoo and wax job.

• Black cars all the way. As Gino Vannelli says, they look better in the shade. Crucifix hanging from the rearview is optional since most of us god-fearing types prefer to bear our crosses like a big fat albatross around our necks. It’s a Catholic thing.

• We may come across as brash and ballsy. No offence intended. All that testosterone to burn makes us crazy sometimes. It’s psychological. I mean, physiological. I think.

• Hot blooded, check it and see, the old song goes. But objectifying women is not our thing. Really. We’re sexist in the sense that we like sex. That’s it.

• We’re big on family. It’s why so many of us don’t leave home until we’re married because deep down inside we’re all just mammas boys. And who can blame a guy for loving his mom?[rssbreak]

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