1. Burger’s Priest
1636 Queen E, at Coxwell, 647-346-0617, theburgerspriest.com.
Though you won’t find it on the regular menu, this not-so well-kept secret’s called the Tower of Babel ($14.99) for good reason. This almost architectural colossus consists of the Priest’s Double Double cheeseburger topped with his portobello Option, NOW’s #1 under- $10 burger and runner-up veggie burger respectively. But here’s the trick that really brings down the house: instead of hamburger buns, the TOB comes wedged between three grilled cheese sandwiches. And some good news – they’ve finally figured out how to properly cook french fries. Amen!
Monday to Wednesday 11:30 am to 9:30 pm, Thursday and Friday 11:30 am to 10:30 pm, Saturday noon to 10:30 pm. Closed Sunday, some holidays. Unlicensed. Cash only. Access: barrier-free, no washrooms.
2. Dangerous Dan’s
714 Queen E, at Broadview, 416-463-7310, dangerousdansdiner.com.
Weighing in at a hefty 20 ounces, this easy-going east-side dive’s multi-tired Coronary burger ($15.25) isn’t for the faint of heart. Blow out a valve with two substantial 8-ounce patties, four slices of bacon, two of processed cheddar and, since life is short anyway, a greasy fried egg on the proverbial sesame seed bun. Includes chunky fries in gravy, a can of pop and a defibrillator. Don’t forget an Elvis milk shake (chocolate and peanut butter, $3.33) and a deep-fried Mars bar with whipped cream ($5.30) for dessert. Too lazy to get off your ass? Dan’s delivers!
Tuesday to Thursday 11 am to 10 pm, Friday and Saturday 11 am to midnight, Sunday noon to 10 pm. Closed Monday, holidays. Licensed. Access: barrier-free.
3. Burger Brats
254 Adelaide W, at Duncan, 647-352-4786, burgerbrats.ca.
“I’d like a Hangover, please” isn’t the kind of thing most people say when ordering at a fast food joint. But that’s just what you can do when you opt for this newly launched operation’s Great Canadian Hangover ($15). You get three 6-ounce never-frozen patties, three slices of processed Velveeta-style cheddar, two slices of peameal bacon, fried mushrooms ‘n’ onions, romaine lettuce, field tomato and – damn the cholesterol count – a fried egg. Be foolish enough to order one and they’ll take your picture with it and post the incriminating evidence on their Facebook page.
Monday to Thursday 11 am to 10 pm, Friday 11 am to 4 am, Saturday noon to 4 am. Closed Sunday, holidays. Unlicensed. Access: 10 steps at door, washrooms on same floor.
4. Cardinal Rule
5 Roncesvalles, at Queen W, 647-352-0202, cardinalrulerestaurant.com.
Marta Kusel and Katie James’s retro west-side diner is known for its solid lineup of burgers, particularly their tasty take on teriyaki pork. But it’s at weekend brunch that the gals blow the figurative roof off, tuning their basic Burger de Boeuf – 6 ounces of juicy Grace Meats chuck draped with sharp Oka cheese ($9) – into a Wallop burger ($12) with the addition of bacon, a runny fried egg and a potato ‘n’ leek latke. How typically Roncey!
Tuesday to Friday 11 am to close. Brunch Saturday and Sunday 10 am to 4 pm, dinner both nights to close. Closed Monday, holidays. Licensed. Cash only. Access: one step at door, washrooms in basement.
5. Bellwood
756 Queen W, at Niagara, 416-504-8855.
When this Greece-y spoon slash sports bar says its eponymous burger ($6.95) weighs 16 ounces, they’re talking about the whole shebang – patty, toppings, et al. Still, it’s a good inch-thick 10-ounces of ground beef, generously topped with lettuce, tomato and Spanish onion on an over-sized sesame seed bun. So what if fries are reconstituted, undercooked and swimming in industrial-grade gravy? One of these suckers and it’s adios, hangover.
Daily 8 am to 2 am, full menu from 11 am. Licensed. Access: one step at door, washrooms in basement.
6. Burger King
267 College, at Spadina, 416-591-9999, burgerking.ca.
On TV, the King’s Quad Stack ($6.29) looks humongous. In real life, it’s little more than four basic, proudly veggie-free cheeseburgers stacked on top of each other. Those who prefer quality over quantity should stick with the triple Angry Whopper ($7.79), a trio of 3-ounce patties of unknown origin – cow, we presume – layered with processed Jack, stringy bacon, deep-fried onions, barbecue sauce and pickled jalapeños.
Sunday to Wednesday 7 am to midnight, Thursday to Saturday 7 am to 2 am. Unlicensed. Access: barrier-free.
7. McDonald’s
160 Spadina, at Queen W, 416-703-7401, mcdonalds.ca.
It’s said that the Mickey Dee logo is the most recognizable on the planet, its top-of-the-line Big Mac the most popular burger. Not one to miss a passing trend – spicy Thai chicken salad, anyone? – Ronald’s now jumped on the bigger-is-better bandwagon. Case in point: the Double Big Mac ($5.39), four all-beef patties, lettuce, special sauce and a slice of processed cheese on that famous sesame seed bun. In other words, 700 calories, 40 grams of fat (17 of them saturated) and a whopping 1,520 milligrams of sodium.
24/7. Unlicensed. Access: barrier-free.
