Like me, you probably get a lot of e-mail telling you your penis is too small and promising to make it larger. ?Satisfy her with Megadik!?, ?Make your penis huge!? and my personal favourite, ?Your new penis is here!!!? ? which always makes me think, when did I order that?
Frankly, I'm perfectly happy with the size of my penis.
But if I weren't, would I be tempted to try one of these things? Are you?
Penis enlargement promises come in the form of pills, creams, pumps, exercises, surgeries and extenders. Do any of them work? And even if they do work, how do you know your wang is too small? What exactly is too small?
Medical profeshs say that if you're obsessing over your dick size, there's probably something else going on that has nothing to do with the little man.
That's the good news. The other (let's not say bad) news is that if you are one of the very few who fall into the eensy-weensy category, there's little you can do.
Of course, penises aren't the be-all-and-end-all anyway. Just ask any lesbian. So get over it and learn to use whatever else is available to you."
What the experts say
Vacuum pumps were designed to help men with erectile dysfunction. But we have penis pumpers who think that by using them for a prolonged period they can increase the size of their penis. What they do is create edema, or swelling. The pumps increase the size, but they do it pathologically. You can use a sledgehammer, too. Surgery is effective, but not to every man's expectation. The maximum gain is about 6 centimetres, and we've only gotten this in 10 or 15 cases [out of over 500]. It's more important for women to realize it's not an 8-inch penis that's going to give them pleasure, but finding their clitoris and G spot and learning to co-adapt with their partner."
ROBERT STUBBS, plastic surgeon, director, Cosmetic Surgicentre, Toronto
"The College of Physicians and Surgeons considers penile enlargement experimental. It's a stupid procedure. It doesn't work, and patients are largely unhappy after it's done. I can see performing a penile enlargement if there's been trauma, if the penis has been shortened or if it has had a surgical misadventure. Stubbs is well-intentioned and tells people the risk and is very straight-up, unlike most who perform these operations. I've seen at least three or four guys totally crippled by this surgery. None of the pills or medications work. There is stretch device that will add some length, and if you use a vacuum tumescence pump you can get an inch here or there. We use vacuum devices after radical surgery where there is shortening. Men who focus on their penis as the source of their problems are like women with eating disorders. It's the same class of body dysmorphism. If your partner says you have a small dick, she hates you."
RICHARD WILLIAM CASEY, director, Male Health Centres, Toronto
"My pump is a medical device for erectile dysfunction. It's also got FDA approval for penis enlargement. It creates an erection in the cylinder. The capillaries expand, dilate, break down and rebuild, like in bodybuilding. The penis slowly develops and builds. You can gain from 1 to 3 inches and 25 per cent in girth. You'll see results immediately that become permanent in about six to eight weeks, and reach maximum size in nine to 10 months. Men want a larger penis. It's part of being macho, masculine."
JOEL KAPLAN, penis enlargement/sexual enhancement expert, San Diego
"Penile sleeves are available through sex toy stores and urologists for men having erectile problems, who are, for example, recovering from prostate cancer. You slide the silicone form in the shape of a penis over your own penis, and it gives you a little bit more extension. You're not going to feel a great deal, but your partner will feel penetrated. Sex doesn't have to be penis-focused. Become amazingly good at oral sex. Learn how to use your hands. A lot of women don't come to orgasm with penile insertion anyway. Many couples say cunnilingus and hands are the heart and soul of their orgasms. Shift your focus."
LAILA McDANIELS, sex therapist, Toronto
"Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is an identity crisis disorder made worse by false media stereotypes. Men fear their bodies aren't 'good enough.' Providers of licensed aphrodisiacs - Viagra, Cialis, etc - profit from the fears by spamming men with pretend messages from women about penile adequacy. Eros is more between the ears than the legs. Very few men have too small a penis, and past a certain size the fantasy matters more than the organ."
STEPHEN VAN BEEK, psychotherapist, Toronto Therapy Network, Toronto