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Another year of expert advice from our prescient healers has come and gone. Here are 2006’s choicest tips.
1 I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, AMIGO. PASS THE REMOTE
“What passes for laziness is often disguised fatigue caused by the demands of North American living. In some cultures, notoriously in Italy and France, visible hard work is frowned upon and seen as an incapacity to live well.”
STEPHEN VAN BEEK, psychotherapist and founder of the Toronto Therapy Network, on overwork
2 CUZ YOU WANT A BIGGER CUP SIZE
“Find a smooth crystal, rub with light sesame oil and glide the crystal over the breast very gently, lightly and evenly in small circles for about five minutes several times a week. Breasts will increase in weight from circulation of hormonal fluids and swell with the sexual energy stimulation.”
KAREN RYAN, crystal healer, Toronto, on enhancing breast size
3 WORMS CRAWL IN, WORMS CRAWL OUT – AND IT’S ALL GOOD
“Just because you’ve got a parasite doesn’t mean you need treatment. In fact, the vast majority of parasites that we see in North America are non-invasive, non-pathogenic and can be ignored.”
JAY KEYSTONE, professor of medicine, U of T, senior staff physician, tropical disease unit, Toronto General Hospital, on parasite cleanses
4 IT MAY EVEN BE CLEANER THAN SOME HOLY WATER
“For the sensualist, external water sports are warm and slippery. There is something primal about it – baptism by a buddy. For some, urine is inherently erotic. Some guys pop instant wood when they see a pissing cock.”
DAN, Dick Wadd Productions, founder www.waterboys.com, San Diego, California, on golden showers
5 SOMETHING NEW TO WORRY ABOUT
“This is a classic advertising- and image-driven phenomenon. A company invents a solution to a problem most of us weren’t aware we even had, and suddenly we’re made insecure about our failure to measure up on one more appearance front.”
SHARI GRAYDON, author, In Your Face: The Culture Of Beauty And You, Ottawa, on tooth whitening
6 WHEN H2O KILLS
“The classic problem people encounter with ecstasy is overheating. But the lesser-known complication is drinking too much water. Some people on E don’t pee, and if they’re drinking a lot of water and not urinating, it can be absorbed by the brain and other organs and cause coma and even death.”
ALLISON McKIM, director, Dancesafe NYC, New York, on safe partying
7 YOU MIGHT WANT TO CLOSE YOUR OFFICE DOOR FIRST
“To keep negativity at bay while the boss is at work, make this protection talisman and keep it on your desktop: Bathe a tumbled quartz crystal in smudge smoke when the moon is waxing. Fill your mind with a bright white light edged in cobalt blue. Put that light into the stone. Say, ‘I pray you, may the road rise up to meet me, may the wind be always at my back, may the sun shine warm on my face, may the rain fall soft upon my home, may God and Goddess bless and protect me, as I will it, so shall it be!’ Put your talisman on your desk.”
SIRONA KNIGHT, author, The Wiccan Spell Kit, California, on dealing with a bad boss
8 CAN’T REMEMBER WHY I’M INCLUDING THIS
“If some days you have no problem with memory and other days you have a problem, check your diet. A number of vitamins and minerals are involved in making acetylcholine, the memory chemical in the brain, but you can’t make it at all without choline, a fatty B vitamin. We really only have a few rich sources of choline – egg yolks and liver, foods that we have demonized.”
AILEEN BURFORD-MASON, immunologist, nutritionist, Toronto, on forgetting
9 OH, THE KITTY’S SO-O-O CUTE
“You have noted the calming effect that the experience of cute things has on you. Beauty has the same effect, perhaps even more so, since too much cuteness can be grating, whereas the beautiful seems never to tire us. Beauty can actually remove us from our desires, taking us beyond our personal wants and calming the spirit.”
GLENN PARSONS, assistant professor, department of philosophy, Ryerson University, Toronto, on why Elizabeth Bromstein is addicted to www.cuteoverload.com
10 NOT EXACTLY HIGH-TECH
“I think about the last time I saw a white horse. That works every time.”
MASINA WRIGHT, naturopath, Toronto, on how to cure hiccups
