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If you’re destined to spend the summer riding your desk instead of a jet ski, bring out the dolls and live vicariously through your action heroes. Imagine – I said imagine – taking out your co-workers with Matrixesque pistol work, smashing up your keyboard with Hulktacular fists and leaping into the warmth of the sun with Spidey’s safety webs as backup. The Osbourne Family’s Ozzy Osbourne comes with a pair of shades, a bulldog on a leash and a stand spewing a cussless recorded message ( 1 , Silver Snail , $21.99).
The Lord Of The Rings’ Grima Wormtongue features knife-slashing action. Like all aggro freaks, all it takes is one push of his button and he’ll cut you ( 2 , Toytown , 1754 Avenue Road, 416-783-8073, $12.99).
Spawn: The Samurai Wars’ Lotus Angel Warrior , a slicing and dicing honey, is sweetly sculpted right down to her rope-soled wedgies ( 3 , Silver Snail, 367 Queen West, 416-593-0889, $19.99).
Marvel’s super-poseable leaping Hulk comes with a yo-yo-like contraption that lets you control its unbridled stomping, freaking and raging ( 4, Grey Region Comics , 550 Yonge, 416-975-1718, $16.99).
Adult Superstars’ Houston is anatomically correct right down to her Brazilian wax. Having starred in a film in which she gangbangs 620, this woman is action. She comes with a removable (surprised?) costume and guitar ( 5, Stag Shop , 239 Yonge, 416-368-3507, $39.95).
KISS Creatures’ The Demon, aka Gene Simmons, wields a hatchet/guitar, codpiece, heavy metal platforms and peekaboo leggings ( 6 , Toys, Toys, Toys, $22.99).
With mutant digits like X-Men Wolverine ‘s, who needs weapons, or a food processor? (7, Toys ‘R’ Us, 900 Dufferin, 416-532-8697 and others, $17.99).
The Matrix’s Trinity comes armed to the tits with two handguns, a knife and a rifle ( 8, Planet X , 416-285-4421, $19.99).
Marvel Select’s Black Cat. This little thief comes with stacks of Benjamins, diamond and pearl necklaces, a safe, Kevin Smith’s papers and a scaling Spidey peeking through her open window ( 9 , Silver Snail, $21.99).
Marvel’s Spiderman figure features a coordinated knapsack that holds water, then squirts it out of Spidey’s wrists, simulating real web-slinging action ( 10, Comic Emporium , 137 Yonge, 416-597-9405, $12.75).
Alien 3’s Dog Alien . Down, boy, down ( 11, Red Nails II , 1700 Wilson, 416-242-7899, $15.99).
Ghost in the Shell’s Alias sports a white coat and packs the mother of all guns ( 12, Kikiwai Japan Anime , 222 Spadina, 416-597-6593, $22.99).
