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Schmooze operator

Rating: NNNNN


Are you ready for the film festival? Really ready? Take stock of this survival list to make sure you’re prepared to take advantage of everything the festival has to offer with style and grace. 1 , Start with NOW ‘s Film Festival Guide to plan your moviegoing schedule.

2 , Wait! You must look like you’re from L.A! Don’t go out there pasty-faced. Rub yourself with self-tanning towels from Estée Lauder ( Sears , 290 Yonge, 416-343-2111, and others, body towels $35/face towels $29.50).

3 , Make celebrity-spotting a game. Split up and ante up. The first to spot famous people wins. Monetary values are based on level of celebrity – a few years ago Jimmy Kimmel got me $5. Now he might be worth $10. You’ll need a digital camera for documentation. Cybershot digital camera, lightning fast with 3.2 megapixel resolution. Looks nice, too (the Sony Store , Eaton Centre, 416-971-7589, and others, $599.99).

4 , You’ll also need Motorola walkie-talkies to keep in touch with other players ( RadioShack , Eaton Centre, 416-979-3180, and others, $59.99).

5 , Slip into a little black dress like this one from Club Monaco (Eaton Centre, 416-977-2064, and others, $49) and you’re ready to troll the trendy spots in search of celebrities, also known as people who are better than you.

6 , Plan your itinerary with the Clie Personal Entertainment Organizer (the Sony Store, $349.99). It has a colour screen, an MP3 player and all kinds of fancy shit, but we’ll just use it as a glorified calendar.

7 , Demand autographs from everyone you meet and squeal with glee even if it’s just Don McKellar. Use notebooks like this Moleskine model ( Red Pegasus , 628 College 416-536-3872, $22), the favourites of notables like Hemingway, Matisse and Céline, if you care about that sort of thing.

8-14 , Just in case the venues don’t have snacks or you don’t like the ones they do have, here are some fancy ones from the Mercantile (626 College, 416-531-7563). You’ll have to sneak them in, but that’s why we carry bags, isn’t it? Try Ruth’s Hemp Bars ( 8, $1.75), which come in all kinds of yummy flavours like chocolate raspberry. Wild cherry candy ( 9 , $ 3.99) is also available in flavours like ginger and green tea. Another hemp bar, this time banana-peanut butter flavour ( 10 , $1.75). Gummy animals ( 11 , $2.99) don’t just come in bears! You can also go for New Moon cookies ( 12 , $4.69), wasabi peas ( 13 , $4.69) or David’s chocolate-covered popcorn ( 14 , $5.50) – it beats that scary yellow stuff they serve in theatres.

15 , Foreign art films can be pretty bleedin’ boring, so why not bring a book? Like Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix ( Indigo , Manulife Centre, 416-925-3536, and others, $25.80).

16 , Clip the I-Sight Book Light to your ear for light (RadioShack, $19.99). The blue colour makes the light less likely to disturb the person next to you, but you might want to ask if it’s OK anyway.

17 , You need something to carry all this stuff in, and look! This bag (Red Pegasus, $35), with high heels and a martini on it, is terribly fitting, no?

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