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Brit filmmaker Guy Ritchie had no idea his high-profile hookup with Madonna wouldn’t boost her movie career but would instead lower his own creative output to the Material Girl’s level. Faster than Ritchie could say “I do,” he spiralled from the glory-grabbing heights of Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels to the all-time low of Swept Away.
We call this career-crippling condition the Guy Ritchie Syndrome, and Diana Krall’s new husband, Elvis Costello, heading into Massey Hall Monday (March 15), is just the latest to suffer its ill effects.
Elvis Costello
Prior achievement Reunites with the Attractions for the delightful All This Useless Beauty, his best album since Blood & Chocolate.
Dangerous liaison Calms the nerves of Canuck jazz diva Diana Krall backstage at the 2002 Grammy Awards and splits with wife Cait O’Riordan shortly after.
Sudden downturn Creates terminally dull song cycle North about the end of a relationship leading to the beginning of a new one. Hmm… sounds strangely familiar.
Aftermath Currently planning a collaborative album with Krall as if Gigli never happened.
Jack White
Prior achievement White Stripes put raw rock ‘n’ roll back on commercial radio.
Dangerous liaison Warms up to Hollywood star Renée Zellweger on the set of Cold Mountain.
Sudden downturn Car crash in Michigan mashes White’s chording finger, which postpones White Stripes’ world tour and disrupts momentum of Elephant’s release.
Aftermath Following White’s bruising run-in with the Von Bondies’ Jason Stollsteimer, he could be too busy making licence plates to assist in Zellweger’s pop-singer fantasy.
Björk
Prior achievement Tops her critically acclaimed Debut with 96’s awesome Post album.
Dangerous liaison Dumps triphop thug Tricky for drum ‘n’ bass bad boy Goldie. Oops.
Sudden downturn Lays a vicious beating on unsuspecting reporter Julie Kaufman in Bangkok airport. Later apologizes for the attack.
Aftermath Having turned her back on violence, Björk wisely dumps Goldie following his punch-up with Tricky.
Louise Post
Prior achievement Veruca Salt’s American Thighs provides rocking antidote to lingering grunge hangover.
Dangerous liaison Dates ex-Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl.
Sudden downturn Veruca Salt dissolve, leaving Post to collaborate with Grohl on the forgettable soundtrack to the 1997 Paul Schrader film Touch.
Aftermath Last heard singing backing vocals for Loud Lucy, the Drowners and Frogpond.
Beck
Prior achievement Critically acclaimed Mutations album also rings cash registers.
Dangerous liaison Takes up with Winona Ryder following his split with long-time partner, designer Leigh Limon.
Sudden downturn Three aborted attempts to rebound from the abysmal R&B parody of Midnite Vultures leaves us with the dreary mope-fest Sea Change.
Aftermath Currently trying to find a good home for his bunny pal Rocket, the co-star of his Lonesome Tears video.
Garth Brooks
Prior achievement New country superstar surpasses 100-million sales milestone.
Dangerous liaison Gets cozy with tour-mate Trisha Yearwood, with whom he records the smash hit duet In Another’s Eyes. Brooks separates from wife Sandy shortly after.
Sudden downturn Dons black wig and faux goth makeup for Chris Gaines alter ego and releases In The Life Of Chris Gaines, to the confusion and dismay of country fans everywhere.
Aftermath Retires from music to play baseball. Exhibition game stats with Kansas City Royals, San Diego Padres and New York Mets (batting a dismal .027 over 39 at-bats) suggests he should stick to Sega.
Eric Clapton
Prior achievement The mega-selling Unplugged disc sweeps the Grammys in 93.
Dangerous liaison Dates pop starlet Sheryl Crow.
Sudden downturn Collaborates with Crow on a one-off muzak experiment as TDF, resulting in 97’s hilariously bad Retail Therapy disc, which is instantly forgotten.
Aftermath Another notch in Clapton’s belt. Crow writes My Favorite Mistake.
