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Michael Moore fakes out doc directors

Crusading culture-jammer Michael Moore breathed hope into Sunday’s Oscars with his bold pro-peace message. But war isn’t polite, and neither is Moore. Moore encouraged the other documentary nominees to join him onstage to share the honour. He didn’t mention the anti-war comments that would follow. Some of the assembled doc directors were pissed when the motley mayhem-maker unleashed his peace salvo. We say, whatever it takes to bring the world closer to silenced guns. And really, nobody should be surprised when Moore mouths off.

Hey, you’re cheating — kaboom The American military and media sound whinier than the Toronto Maple Leafs. Meeting enough resistance to topple any spin doctor’s pile of pleasant adjectives, the war-wagers are complaining that the Iraqis are cheating in Gulf War: The Sequel. As the U.S. boasts of unleashing a military fury “unlike any other,” CNN and the rest say the Iraqis are tricking their invaders by dressing as civilians and sometimes pretending to surrender. We’d like them to explain the etiquette of a nighttime missile barrage.

The Yankees are coming!

Weekend newspapers were stuffed with flyers promoting Monday’s Blue Jays home opener, but the headline message now sounds chilling: “The Yankees are heading north!” The very words that give Iraqis wide-awake nightmares. Inside the pamphlet we’re ominously told, “And you’re going to be there.” The Blue Jays are talking baseball, not Baghdad, but the promo piece features a Blue Jays pitcher whose arm is literally blazing — just like a screaming civilian hit by a sloppy bomb. Let’s pray Bush’s war doesn’t go to extra innings.

Gimme a drink or I’ll shoot ya!

At last week’s gala back-in-business ceremonies at the new Bambu by the Lake, host and long-time scenester Richard O’Brien was surprised by some aggressive scroungers. While Bambu faves the Satellites got righteous inside the club, feisty U.S. label execs were getting pushy at the door. “We should get in for free for protecting you guys,” said the Americans grubbing for gratis goodies. Here’s a deal: don’t bomb anybody on our behalf and we’ll give you an open tab.

Thanks to cruise protestors

As people again take to the streets, a quick thank-you to all those who marched 20 years ago to protest Canadian test driving of one of America’s nastiest weapons — the cruise missile. As hundreds of Tomahawks rain down daily on the people of Iraq from faceless foes hundreds of kilometres away, it’s heartening that while these monsters were tested in this country with Brian Mulroney’s blessing, thousands of Canadians rose up against this abuse of technology.

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