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Vexing Virgin

I’m not a faithful listener, but I happened to catch Catholic Radio when the dial stayed at AM 530 after a morning show playing Bollywood music.

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That’s how I heard about the special mass at St. Michael’s Cathedral to be followed by an anti-abortion march on Saturday, December 5. They’re still doing this?

I decided to show.

Looking at the schedule outside the church, I notice there’s no Saturday-morning mass listed. Guess this one was laid on specially for the cause.

In front of the altar, an excited young priest is speaking about a mystic nun in 1920s Quebec who experienced the glory of Jesus replacing her will with his own. He stresses the value of “obedience.”

“As long as our eyes are on Jesus, we can defeat anything, including pro-abortion forces.”

The talk of “Jesus as my spouse” reminds me of material I performed as a teenage comedian: “You can get pregnant if you’re not married, as long as the father of the baby is God. It’s a rather large loophole, as there are quite a few men who do believe they qualify.”

A large framed image of the Virgin of Guadalupe stands on the altar. The cult of the Virgin was exported from Spain and planted with singular success on the existing shrine of the native goddess Tonantzin near Mexico City. She’s reputedly the Catholic Church’s biggest money-maker, drawing offerings from impoverished penitents.

Six men in robes offer a prayer for legislators past and present in the pro-life battle. The clock has been turned back, and passages are delivered in Latin.

After the service, which closes with two verses of Servant of the Word, Campaign Life Coalition’s Nicole Campbell calls abortion “the greatest kind of evil.” I’d say the mass rape, torture and killing of women from the Congo to Guatemala outweighs Every Sperm Is Sacred.

Campbell reports three confirmed “saves” at a “killing centre” in Ottawa, 600 and some “turnarounds” at 170 clinics throughout the U.S. The Catholic Church, whose mythology rests on God’s occupation of the Virgin’s womb, is ever ready to take charge of every woman’s body in the name of Christ.

Of course, the scandal of Dr. Henry Morgentaler’s Order of Canada is brought up. “Who will love the little children before they die?” All denominations of dominators are welcome in this “mission of love.”

As the march heads out, Guadalupe leads the way for the hundred or so walkers, who pray aloud, many carrying rosaries, some with signs picturing a fetus with a quote, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,” attributed to the holy inseminator himself, God. His right of access is paramount. Womb carriers are only His vessel.

Passing hotels on Bond and Jarvis, I see some particularly good-looking people and realize they must be entertainers playing the big powwow in town. I speak to a singer from Alberta whose group is among those competing for prize money.

The Catholics take the scenic route through Allan Gardens and stand facing an abortion clinic on Gerrard.

A beggar who recognizes me as a fellow bum asks what he should do with the $10 he’s made. Go to the powwow!

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