From their early days as a band, The Aces have been breaking barriers and creating pop-rock songs that speak to the struggles of young people. The topics of their lyrics explore everything from mental health to heartbreak, earning them hundreds of thousands of fans around the world and bonding with them over universal experiences like growing up and falling in love. Still, their songs about relationships with other women have won the hearts of many 2SLGBTQ+ people who feel heard when they listen to The Aces’ music.
The band’s latest album, I’ve Loved You For So Long, delves even deeper into topics like finding your place in the world, complicated relationships, and coming to terms with your own identity. Hailing from Utah’s Mormon community, the band is composed of lead singer Cristal Ramirez, her sister and drummer Alisa Ramirez, guitarist Katie Henderson, and bassist McKenna Petty.
Both the Ramirez sisters and Henderson identify as queer, and with lyrics like “Cause good girls love Jesus, not that girl from Phoenix” and a song dubbed “Girls Make Me Wanna Die,” you know the Queer & Now team had a lot of questions. We caught up with the trio backstage ahead of their recent show at the Toronto Opera House to discuss their latest album, evolution as a band, and the importance of representation.
I’VE LOVED YOU FOR SO LONG
A handful of their favourite queer icons include Elton John, Troye Sivan, Kim Petras, and Tegan and Sara, but the band members have become icons in their own right over the last decade.
The band is currently touring the world following the release of their third studio album. I’ve Loved You For So Long dropped over the summer, gracing fans with instant classics like “Suburban Blues,” and “Girls Make Me Wanna Die.” Alisa explained that producing this record was anxiety-inducing.
“This is the first time in our career that we’ve openly talked about being raised Mormon, which is something that we didn’t want to talk about before,” Ramirez explained, adding that they worried about the potential for their stories and identities to be misconstrued.
This is far from the first time The Aces have had to overcome intimidating hurdles as a band. The trio told Queer & Now that they had originally been advised not to sing about other women. But as their sound and band have evolved, it has become important for their lyrics to reflect their true identity.
“I think it’s so much part of who we are in our band. Like for our queer identity and our fan base, a big major staple of why our fans love us is because we’re so open about our identities and about our queerness,” Cristal said.
She explained that while producing their second album Under My Influence, their choice to sing about women was questioned. Cristal says they were asked things like “Are you sure you want to use pronouns [in the lyrics]?” and “You could be so much more than a queer band!”
“That was like, word for word said to us. And we’re like ‘What are you talking about? That’s who we are!’” Cristal continued.
And it paid off in spades.
“When you push yourself to really be authentic through your art you get this amazing reward of connection and community.”
‘A CONSTANT REMINDER OF THE STATE OF THE WORLD AS A QUEER PERSON’
The lead singer shared that with ongoing turmoil for queer communities taking place in different parts of the world, including across North America, touring is a constant reminder of the state of the world for queer people. Cristal said it also reminds them of the strides society has to make before reaching true equality.
“We’re also reminded of how important it is to be visible, and continuing to push yourself through in your art,” Cristal said, adding that the response from fans to this third album has been full of emotion.
The band shared that during their recent show in Ohio, they were touched to see fans holding signs with messages like “You are our way out,” a stark reminder of the need for queer representation to be at the forefront of their work, making their latest album feel more important than ever before.
“I remember specifically in Houston the look on these young queer people’s faces. Like just a look of pure joy that we’re getting to share this experience and give each other hope,” Cristal said.
Delving into topics like mental health, she shared that “Always Get This Way,” was a scary song for her to share as a writer and artist. The lyrics bravely and relatably cover things like mental health and coping with panic disorder.
“I was like, I don’t know if I want to [publish it]. I want to use my music to escape all of that,” Cristal explained.
“I think that’s how it is with art. It’s like the thing that you’re most afraid to share, or that feels the most like you’re just exposed in front of everyone, is your superpower for lack of better terms. Like it’s the thing that people really seem to connect to.”
THE ACES: ADVICE FOR QUEER YOUTH
Growing up in a religious community stateside, coming out as queer was not an easy path for the band members.
“You know, it was like, ‘Oh, well, even if you are [queer], you’re never going to be able to tell anyone and you’re going to have to almost bury that part of yourself,’” Cristal explained
“Especially if you grew up really religious, there was no grey area there. It was like, you’re either going to remain in this religious kind of lifestyle and do things you are supposed to, like get married, have kids, remain going to church every Sunday.”
The alternative, she explained, was walking away from that religious community that encompasses everyone you know.
“How do you walk away from all you know, your entire community? Everyone we knew around us was religious and part of that kind of lifestyle. So, it was terrifying for me, and I think most queer people growing up in Utah,” Cristal said.
Cristal explained that many 2SLGBTQ+ people in similar communities feel like they can’t win either way. She says it made her coming out journey tumultuous, and “full of a lot of shame.”
READ MORE: ‘There is joy in living authentically’: Is ‘coming out’ still a big deal in 2023?
“I think that’s very true for a lot of kids that grow up in conservative places who are queer. It’s just like, you’re very displaced. You don’t know what to do and you’re mentally struggling with your identity in private all the time.”
The sentiment is echoed by Henderson, who recently came out to their fans. Henderson shared that it is difficult to share this part of herself publicly despite openly dating women for a long time.
“I had been dating girls since high school. But to make that a public reality felt really scary to me,” she told Queer & Now.
Now in their mid-to-late twenties, the three queer members of the band are living out and proud, and have advice for 2SLGBTQ+ youth who are considering speaking their truth.
The bottom line? It gets better.
“I think it just feels really scary, it felt very scary to me. I had a hard time kind of processing and being able to let go of a lot of things,” Henderson shared.
“I just encourage people to take their time. You don’t owe that to anyone but yourself and take care of yourself. And remember that things get a lot better and life can be so amazing once you find a community.”
Cristal echoed her bandmate, adding that there is no rush on figuring out who you are and discovering yourself.
“Coming out can be whatever you want it to be. It can be very public. It can be very private to just yourself until you feel ready to talk about it publicly. It can be to just your closest friends,” Cristal continued, adding that the best way to come out is in your own time.
Her younger sister shared that leaning on her friends for support was game-changing during her experience.
“I met a group of friends that were very accepting and a lot of them were already out and queer,” Alisa said. “That just changed my life because I’d never known people like that before.”
“Try to find a community of people that are accepting and that are gonna love you for who you are. Because what helped me want to come out, and what helped me accept myself, was knowing that I’d be surrounded by people that were going to have my back when that happened.”
