What to know
- Attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, and secure—shape how people text, respond, and react to delays or double-texting.
- Anxious types may crave frequent responses and reassurance, while avoidant types often need more space and may delay replies.
- Being left on read or delivered isn’t always about disinterest—sometimes, it’s about your partner’s attachment patterns and communication needs.
- Understanding both your own and your partner’s texting style can help you build healthier relationships, with expert tips for navigating mismatches.
Anxious or avoidant attachment style—we hear these terms everywhere online. But in this edition of This Is Dating Now, an expert breaks down how your texts may reveal your true attachment style, with locals weighing in.
Toronto Dating Hub Founder and Dating Coach Andrea Lo says your attachment style often starts with how your caregivers treated you as you were growing up.
“It’s like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Did their love feel like too much, too little, or just right?” Lo says.
If you’re anxious, you might crave constant communication, texting your partner often to feel secure. If you’re avoidant, you’re more likely to pull away when things get close, protecting yourself from getting hurt. The secure type lands in the middle—able to connect and self-regulate without extremes.
So, for this edition of This is Dating Now, we asked Torontonians whether they’d rather have a partner who doesn’t respond for 24 hours or someone who constantly texts them, and an expert to reveal what this means about their attachment styles.
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‘If you’re not answering me, I don’t want it’: These locals prefer someone constantly texting them; Here’s why
Toronto dater Geraldine D. says she’d rather have someone who constantly texts them — saying she’s that type of person, too.
“I would absolutely rather have someone who texts me constantly. I am very much a texter, and if you’re not answering me, I don’t want it,” she told Now Toronto.
For her, she needs someone to answer her within the hour unless they’ve previously communicated that they’re going to be busy.
Geraldine is very aware that her attachment style tends to be more anxious, and says she sees it reflected in her texting patterns, hence constantly texting.
Lo says self-awareness is the first step to recognizing how to communicate better and build a healthy relationship.
Though Geraldine says she’s a big texter, Lo reminds readers to understand their partner’s needs and attachment styles too.
If you’re thinking of double texting, look at the context first.
Lo says if you have plans to hang out the next day and they’re still not responding, and you want to plan your day accordingly, then double text. But if you’re double-texting another “hello” because someone didn’t reply, then Lo says it can seem needy or desperate.
Toronto dater Nathan D. agrees with Geraldine, saying he’d rather someone text him constantly.
“I like consistency. Maybe not every minute of the day, but yeah, less than 24 hours,” he told Now Toronto.
He doesn’t have a time limit per se, but says if someone can look at their phone, they can text back.
Nathan says he has a more secure attachment today, but in the past, he was more avoidant.
“I was always pretty good with texting, but showing up in person was the problem,” he laughed.
‘Puts less pressure on me to respond back as well’: This local prefers texting every 24 hours
Toronto resident Curtis G. says he’d rather someone text him back every 24 hours, as long as it doesn’t take more than 48 hours.
“I would say a day would be ideal, and then it puts less pressure on me to respond back as well,” he told Now Toronto.
Curtis says he used to be anxious, but now that he’s married with kids, he’s more chill and prefers 24 hours between responses rather than immediate ones.
Are they clingy or am I just avoidant?
Lo says someone who’s clingy often feels like you’re being watched or asked where you are or why you’re not picking up all the time.
But someone who’s avoidant would pull away and feel overwhelmed by the other person’s attention.
What is a healthy timeframe for texting?
Lo says the respectful way to treat a partner is to respond within 24 hours.
“Whether you’re in a relationship, respectful to your friends, to family, 24 hours should be I think more than enough time. In a 24-hour day, you’re telling me at some point you didn’t pick up your phone and look at it?” she said.
Can an anxious and avoidant attachment style make the relationship work?
Lo says it’s very hard — but proper understanding of each other’s attachment styles can possibly make it work.
“It’s very common an anxious and avoidant will be dating, they somehow find each other and are attracted to each other. But it’s one of the worst combinations you can get because their nervous systems and what they need trigger each other,” Lo explained.
As long as both parties work on fixing their attachment styles to become secure, rather than force the other to accept their faults, it might work.
“One wants space, and one wants to cling on and know where you are. So you got to find a way to balance that out,” she said.
