What to know
- Calling an ex “crazy” is often seen as a red flag, but context matters—experts say it depends on intention and accountability.
- The way someone talks about their ex can reveal emotional maturity and whether they’ve learned from past relationships.
- Locals say repeated negative talk about all exes is more concerning than venting about one difficult relationship.
- Speaking positively about an ex can show maturity, but sometimes may hint at unresolved feelings—listen to your instincts.
Picture this: you’re on a date, sparks are flying, and then out of nowhere your date drops, “My ex is crazy.” Is the way someone talks about their ex a red flag — and could it reveal how they’ll treat you?
Relationship and Communication Facilitator Laira Thomas says it depends. Is this person’s ex actually crazy — or are they calling their ex crazy to avoid taking accountability for their part in their relationship ending?
“What you start to flag is more when all exes are ‘crazy,’” Thomas explained.
But will they treat you the same way as their ex? Thomas explained that someone who cheated on their ex doesn’t necessarily mean they might cheat on you, but their behaviour with you might reveal they are.
So, for this edition of This is Dating Now, we asked Torontonians whether the way someone talks about and treats their ex says a lot about them as a person.
Read More
- ‘Not everyone’s a dirtbag,’ Is once a cheater always a cheater? Toronto speaks out
- ‘Cut everyone off,’ Can you really be friends with an ex? Torontonians weigh in
- ‘It’s against bro code’: Torontonians speak on dating their friend’s ex
- ‘I’m a big advocate for ghosting’: Canadian reality TV star Dom Gabriel shares his hottest dating takes
- From ordering expensive food to getting wasted: Who you are on a first date says it all
‘Super red, big, and shiny flag’: Locals share their thoughts on someone calling an ex ‘crazy’
Toronto resident Valentina C. said it’s a “super red, big, and shiny flag” to call an ex “crazy.”
“I feel like it’s not about your ex being crazy; maybe you did something that made your ex crazy,” she explained.
Toronto resident Zac U. agreed, saying bad-mouthing anyone in general is a red flag.
“If somebody has that consistent, like everyone else in my life is bad, and I’m constantly in a victim mentality, versus maybe they had two exes and one really sucked in hindsight, but the other things didn’t work out, then I’d say that’s problematic,” Zac told Now Toronto.
But Toronto resident Jude K. said sometimes it’s justifiable.
“It is a red flag, but sometimes they are crazy, so I wouldn’t blame them,” she laughed.
She believes the way you speak about others reflects back on you, so she doesn’t recommend or appreciate someone talking negatively about others.
“When you put out good energy, good energy comes back your way,” Jude said.
Thomas explained that as long as people are mature enough to learn something about themselves after a relationship and take accountability when needed, that’s okay, plus sometimes exes can be crazy.
“I think you can tell somebody’s maturity by the way that their relationships end and how they describe that,” she added.
‘It takes a lot for people to change’: Is how someone treated their ex a preview of how they’ll treat you? Locals weigh in
According to Valentina, it doesn’t mean anything, as she believes people can learn a lesson and become better for the next person.
“I believe every single person that comes into your life teaches you something, so it’s just a different experience with everybody,” she explained.
But Zac is on the fence, saying it can be indicative, but it’s a case-by-case scenario.
“People are in different spots in their lives, or things are going on in their lives that probably influence a lot of their behaviour and stuff,” he reasoned.
Though Jude doesn’t give daters much grace.
“I think people don’t really change much; it takes a lot for people to change,” she shared. “Over time, I think it reflects back on the way they will treat you in the future.”
Thomas agrees with Zac; it’s case-by-case.
“If you recognize that every time your partner has negative things to say about their exes, and it’s a shit show, then that’s something to pay attention to… But you have to recognize how that person behaves,” she explained.
Same goes for cheating. It’s not always “once a cheater, always a cheater,” Thomas said, adding that people can make mistakes they won’t necessarily carry into every relationship.
What if they only say good things about their ex? Is that emotional maturity or unresolved feelings?
For Valentina, it’s a sign of maturity.
“It’s capturing those moments and keeping those memories in the nice eye and just wishing them the best, and then just learning from the bad things that you don’t wanna repeat as a pattern in your relationships,” she explained.
“Adulthood is being okay and calm and at peace with yourself, what you lived, and then just looking at what’s going next for you,” Valentina added.
But for Zac, it could be a slight source of worry.
“You could say nice things about your ex and be thinking about them, but you could also have totally moved on… but appreciate elements of that person,” he explained.
Jude agrees, but says to listen to your gut.
“It would depend on what they’re saying. It could be emotional maturity or finding the good in it, but at the same time, they might not be quite over it because they’re attached,” she said.
Thomas says speaking well about an ex usually signals emotional maturity.
“Somebody who is emotionally intelligent and mature enough to say this relationship didn’t work, they were a great person, but we weren’t able to make it work… is a positive sign,” she explained.
Got a dating story for us? We want to hear it! Send your experiences to news@nowtoronto.com for a chance to be featured in a future edition of This Is Dating Now.
