Dear Sasha,
I am looking for a vibrator. Here is my problem: I live with my parents and I need something stealth.
My mother believes that masturbation is pretty much the same as prostitution (or that it will lead to it anyway) and has been asking very loudly why I use so much hot water when I bathe and shower.
I also have very little money so I’m looking for something around $20 to $30. Basically I want the Nanny Cam of vibrators, something that, when she’s ransacking my room, my mother will not immediately identify as a sex toy and dispose of. It should also be quiet, if at all possible.
Ready to Explode
Quiet, discreet and cheap. “The Holy Grail of vibrators,” says Alison Lee at Good For Her. Here are Alison’s best picks:
Speeding Bullet Vibrator “Pretty quiet, doesn’t look like a penis and would be easy to hide in a jacket pocket or something like that. It’s powerful and cheap but takes watch batteries, which don’t last for that long, so you incur the continual expense of buying batteries.” $24 at Good For Her.
Bcute Curve “More vibrator-looking but still somewhat small, not as much power, takes one AA battery and can be used for internal or external stimulation. $25 at Good For Her.
Rubber Duckie Vibe “Looks like a rubber duck, but feels heavier if picked up. Reasonably quiet, fairly effective but not mind-blowingly strong. Totally waterproof so it can go in the tub with you.” $26 at Good For Her.
I like the Orchid G-Spotter myself. It can be used both externally and internally. It’s 22 bucks and can fit easily in a pencil case (do people even have those any more?) or hidden in plain sight in a pen and marker tin, but, like any hard plastic battery-operated vibrator, you run the risk of clattering.
Both Good For Her and Come as You Are offer noise ratings along with pricing and reviews on their websites so you can peruse their offerings more thoroughly on your own.
Alison also suggests considering something like a “back massager” – the Hitachi Magic Wand or other large vibrators often sold at drug stores and department stores.
“These are not quiet typically,” she says, “but RTE could come home with one and tell Mom that her doctor suggested one for back pain due to school/job/stress. Just show it to her, then not bother using it on her back, and Mom might be satisfied by such an explanation.”
The Wand is something you’re going to have to start a serious change jar for as it usually goes for anywhere from 50 to 85 bucks. The good thing is, the instructional diagram on the inside show quasi-meridian points on the body and, though there are many, not one of them is even remotely close to the crotch. So at least you have an official-looking document to wave at the authorities if your possession is confiscated.
SurroGate
Dear Sasha,
I Googled “sexual surrogate” and came up with your reply to David in the June 16 issue of the Montreal Mirror. I was sure not if the reply was written this year and would like to know if the information you gave in this article – particularly concerning Vena Blanchard, International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA) – is still up-to-date.
Even though I have so much going for me – personality, looks, charm, etc – I am painfully shy and insecure around women. Also, I do not possess a big endowment, which might be part of my problem, but I think that I suffer more from emotional/psychological issues.
I am not the kind of guy to go out and hire a hooker – doesn’t interest me.
I would really like to get to the bottom of the mental/emotional stuff.
Ted
The material you refer to comes from quite some ago, but Vena Blanchard is still working.
She can be found on the U.S. West Coast.
Sex surrogacy is also available in New York City. Here is an excellent article by East Coast surrogate Lisa Carr on what the therapy is, how it works and its history.
Shai Rotem from ISPA added this: “The involvement of the team sex therapist and a certified surrogate partner is the cornerstone of this therapy process. Sessions with the therapist are interwoven with the surrogate partner sessions in order to facilitate understanding and change. The first steps toward surrogate partner therapy include establishing a relationship with a skilled sex therapist or psychotherapist.”
Unfortunately, there are no IPSA- certified surrogate partners practicing in Canada. Rotem suggests working with an American surrogate in what’s called intensive surrogate partner therapy.
“IPSA organized the intensive therapy referral program so individuals from across the country would be able to participate in high-quality surrogate partner therapy at roughly the same cost as a local program,” says Rotem.
“California intensives are the most common and easiest to arrange.” What this means is that you’d take some time off, book a hotel and do your sessions in California. You can read more about the intensive referral program on the IPSA website.
Community Notes
When this column is published I won’t have any clue about the status of this case, but I’d like to point readers to this Facebook page and ask for their support: facebook.com/letalvarostay.
Perhaps you remember in 2007 that a young Nicaraguan named Alvaro Orozco, who was fleeing a father who threatened to kill any of his children who were gay, was denied refugee status because he was deemed “not gay enough”-looking by an adjudicator who hadn’t even seen him in person (not that this would have made this remark any less shocking or irrelevant). The story was picked up by the Nicaraguan media, further endangering Alvaro since he was effectively outed to his entire country.
Rather than go back to a place where he would face unquestionable personal danger, Alvaro remained undocumented in Canada. He was picked up by Toronto police last Friday and is currently awaiting deportation. Alvaro left Nicaragua when he was 12. He has made Toronto his home since he was 19 and has contributed greatly to the arts community here, also providing invaluable mentorship to other young queers in similar situations.
Please consider signing the petition to allow Alvaro to stay in Canada here.
