When we think of retail ventures, making money is generally the name of the game — but one Toronto sex shop is doing things a little differently: putting pleasure before profit.
In celebration of Small Business Month, Now Toronto spoke with several local business owners about their ventures, and what makes each of these independent businesses a unique piece of the city’s culture. That includes Come As You Are, Toronto’s anti-capitalist, feminist, co-operatively owned sex shop.
Come As You Are is a popular, independent sex store located at 254 Augusta St. in Kensington Market. Offering everything from the latest vibrators to unique greeting cards and beautiful lingerie, the location is a popular place for the city’s sex-positive crowd. But what does it mean to be a retail location that is “anti-capitalist”? Co-owner Lillin Thibodeau explained that it means focusing on pleasure before profits.
“We really won’t upsell, we won’t sell something to someone that really doesn’t meet their need,” she explained to Now Toronto. “We really care about meeting the needs of the individual walking through the door, and if that means selling nothing or like one of the cheaper introductory vibrators, that is what we’ll do, rather than trying to make a larger sale.”
It also means only offering toys and products that are made with body-safe materials like medical-grade silicon and stainless steel, and that have been tested by a staff member or member of the co-operative that owns the shop.
“So, we’re not selling things that we’re not familiar with. We are very intimately familiar with the toys that we sell, and we really believe in them.”
WHAT’S THE VIBE RIGHT NOW?
From the Satisfier to the Rose, sex toy trends are endless and entertaining. Thibodeau shared that right now, there’s a newer dual-function vibrator that is becoming increasingly popular: the SVibe.
“I feel like it’s like a never-ending quest of manufacturers and companies to come up with the perfect dual stimulator,” she explained, adding that a dual stimulator interacts with internal G-Spot or prostate stimulation, as well as external genitalia — think a rabbit vibrator.
Another popular pick? The Njoy Pure Wand, a stainless steel number offering weight and penetration.
“It’s designed with a curve, and so it’s used in a rocking motion. It is an incredibly popular, tried and true toy,” she explained.
Another customer-approved option? The Vibratex Magic Wand, an option she describes as versatile, despite not offering any internal functionality.
“Yes, it can only be used externally. However, it can be used on so many different parts of the body, regardless of somebody’s genitals. It can be used in so many different ways.”
She explained that it comes in a plug-in version, a rechargeable cordless model and now, a waterproof wand.
But, while these toys are some fan-favourites, Thibodeau says she doesn’t like to talk about so-called “bestsellers.”
“Because no one toy is going to meet the needs of everyone. Sex toys are so unique, and everyone has different needs and desires,” she explained.
So, it’s probably best that you head down to their spot to check out their selection of lingerie, toys and accessories for yourself.
SEXUAL EDUCATION
In addition to a sex shop, Come As You Are is also a sexual health education and community hub. Thibodeau explained that the sex-positive establishment operates workshops on sexual health with a focus on pleasure. The store partners with sex educators from the Toronto community, while Thibodeau herself is also a somatic sex educator in training.
“So, we’re developing programming that will offer more pleasure-centred education and services, in addition to providing those interactions in store, in every customer service interaction, [and] in the way that we train our employees.”
She explained that somatic sex education includes supporting folks in connecting to the experience and the wisdom of the body. This is different from traditional sex ed, which focuses more on reproduction and safe sex practices.
“We’re not taught as young adults as we’re exploring our sexuality, to connect to the sensations in our body, to connect to what our body is telling us around our sexual desires, our wants, and what we don’t want. And that’s what somatic sex education does.”
She explained that sexual health education is important and valuable for people of every age.
“Without that conversation [and] education, there’s potential for so much harm to happen, or just like a lack of understanding of our own bodies and our own access to pleasure and wellness,” Thibodeau said.
“So, when we talk about these things, when we learn more, we are more empowered to make healthier decisions around our sex and sexuality with each other that can increase intimacy and just overall well-being.”
But having access to toys, she explained, is also important.
“Because if folks have access to toys to play, then we have greater access to our bodies and to the pleasure in our bodies, to help facilitate the relationship to our own bodies, and toys just help to do that,” she says.
“Sex is really adult play. I mean, as children, we play in lots of different ways. As adults, we play in lots of different ways as well. But sex is an adult appropriate form of play, and sex toys allow us to do that, and so when we are connected to the pleasure and playful spirit in our bodies, then we’re more whole and healthy beings, and sex toys do help facilitate that.”
WOMAN, QUEER & TRANS-OWNED AND OPERATED
In addition to being both queer positive and inclusive, Come As You Are is also a woman-owned, queer-owned, and trans-owned business – this is evident in how they operate their business.
“It’s really important to meet the needs of all individuals of our community,” Thibodeau explained. “I think as queer people, we have a unique understanding of the societal barriers — like experiencing homophobia and sexism — that prevent people from accessing and actualizing sexual desires in a way that inhibits someone’s access to sexual well-being, health and pleasure.”
She explained that a lot of different social factors create barriers to people accessing a complete and effective sexual education.
“Heteronormativity, compulsory heterosexuality, patriarchy generally — a lot of the ideas that come from patriarchy around sexual health and wellness, or lack of wellness around sexuality, cause harm for everyone, including boys and cis men.”
“So, understanding how those kinds of ideas can create more barriers to people’s access to wellness is beneficial, not only for queer people, but it actually increases access and pleasure for all people.”
Come As You Are is open from 12-7 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday, 12-6 p.m. on Sunday, and closed on Monday. Find out more about their shop and any upcoming events at Come As You Are’s website.
