‘You feel like you can’t breathe’: An expert explains the ‘friendbombing’ red flags to watch for

We’ve all heard of lovebombing, but what if it isn’t just for romance? An expert says it can happen with friendships too, calling it ‘friendbombing.’

You meet someone new. You click immediately. Suddenly they’re texting you constantly, inviting themselves everywhere, showering you with compliments and wondering why you hung out with someone else without them.

Is it just an enthusiastic new friendship, or is it moving a little too fast?

You may have heard of lovebombing in romantic relationships. Toronto matchmaker and life coach Shannon Tebb says similar behaviours can emerge in friendships, a dynamic sometimes described as “friendbombing.”

Lovebombing generally refers to overwhelming someone with affection, attention or praise, particularly early in a relationship. In unhealthy or manipulative relationships, that intensity can be used to create dependency or exert control.

What is ‘friendbombing’?

Toronto-based dating expert, matchmaker and life coach Shannon Tebb defined friendbombing as a friendship that moves too fast after a few interactions.

“It’s when a friend latches onto you when you’ve only just met them, and it feels a little intense,” she told Now Toronto.

The difference: you’re not going on dates.

“It’s similar to lovebombing, where you feel kind of overwhelmed with compliments or attention, and it’s not equally shared on your end,” Tebb explained.

7 signs a new friendship may be moving too fast

• They expect immediate replies and become upset when you don’t respond.
• They want to spend all their time with you despite barely knowing you.
• They become jealous of your other friends or question why they weren’t invited.
• They begin copying your interests, style or activities to create a sense of similarity.
• They overshare intensely personal information very early in the friendship.
• They overwhelm you with compliments or attention.
• You start feeling smothered by the amount of contact or attention they expect.

But Tebb says perhaps the clearest warning sign isn’t any individual behaviour — it’s how the friendship makes you feel.

“If you’re starting to feel like you can’t breathe.”

She says friendbombing is almost an obsession.

“Sometimes people get fixed… There may be jealousy when you’re around other friends, and it may be hard to incorporate them into group settings because they want all of your attention, and they’re not willing to share you,” Tebb said.

Does friendbombing mean someone is manipulating you?

Not necessarily.

Tebb says some people may behave this way because they’re lonely or, in her view, have an anxious attachment style and fear losing a new connection.

“They could be friendbombing you to become popular, meet new friends, go to events or get into parties so they don’t have to network themselves,” Tebb shared.

“Maybe they’re using you for work purposes or travel purposes,” she added.

But others could feel lonely and accidentally friendbomb based on their attachment style.

“Some have an anxious attachment style, where they feel like if you’re not spending time with them, they’re going to lose you,” Tebb explained.

What should you do if a new friendship feels overwhelming?

Tebb recommends addressing the behaviour directly but without immediately accusing the other person of having bad intentions. That could mean telling them you value the friendship while explaining that constant calls or messages are becoming overwhelming and that you need more space.

“Maybe they don’t know that they’re friendship bombing. Maybe this is how they are, but until you have that conversation with them, they’re not going to know how to treat you differently and take a step back,” she said.