To: Jim Flaherty, Ontario finance minister
Re: My bridge over troubled water
Just wanted to thank you for being a voice of insanity in troubled times. I'll take the family out to Chuck E. Cheese and drop some serious coin at Home Depot toot suite. That oughta bust bin Laden's balls and keep Ontario's free market humming.
But nothing keeps the province afloat like more massive corporate tax cuts and greasing the poor with a C-note.
So, thanks for the tax cuts. They may not goose the economy (nobody will notice a few thousand layoffs in the high-tech and airline industries, right?), but what a way to dismantle big government.
I know you'll cut health and education funding and even run a deficit to make sure big business doesn't have to contribute to the public purse. After years of generating unprecedented wealth, big business has earned its free ride.
Watch those spending priorities, though. You start building more roads, funding transit and boosting tourism and the next thing you know, you're slapping up social housing.
Why all the fuss about the inevitability of user fees? We've already got 'em. Since you cut taxes and downloaded so much onto T.O., I now have to pay for swimming lessons for my son and even more for playschool, even though the program has been cut back to once a week. If only those freeloaders at City Hall could balance the books like you, Jim.
I sleep better at night knowing you're looking out for Ontario families. Thank god I can finally get my kid out of that cesspool of a public education system and into a good Christian school on the taxpayer's dime.
Finally, I just want to say it's about time somebody spoke up for our collective security. You couldn't have said it better: Ontario must be inside the North American security perimeter, not outside. The sooner we let the Yanks finally realize their manifest destiny the better.
Ten million dollars for anti-terrorist training is a good start. I feel so much safer now that our law enforcers who earned their stripes busting homeless people in the park will know exactly what to do if al Qaeda slams an airliner into a downtown office building or mails me an anthrax Christmas card. God bless you, Jim, and god bless Ontari-ari-ari-o.