If we could all just stroll to the corner store for a six-pack, there’d probably be a lot fewer dial-a-bottlesites online. But since that’s not going to happen any time soon and our sacred liquor monopolies aren’t in the delivery game, legal, licensed, privately operated liquor delivery services help the unvehicled, especially those in suburban areas, the housebound and those in need of a mid-party reload.
And then there are the people who just love home shopping. From a list that includes 4A Dial a Bottle, “We can be there FAST” Always Dial a Bottle Toronto, “You can have it all, just give us a call” and LDBO, Liquor Delivery Boys of Ontario, I decide to call idialabottle.ca.
On a wintery yet clear Saturday afternoon, an actual human being picks up within two rings and I place my order: one 750 ml bottle of Johnny Walker Red scotch whisky 12 cans of Labatt’s 50 (playing hockey that night, cans containing neutral-flavoured fizzy fluid mandatory) one large bag of Miss Vicky’s salt and vinegar chips and one large bag of Doritos, Intense Pickle flavour. Not X-treme Pickle or Pickle Rush, but Intense Pickle. Snacks are a standard dial-a-bottle add-on. I’m informed that it will all be there within an hour and, as is standard within the dial-a-bottle world, it’ll be C.O.D. I don’t even have to change out of my dressing gown. Time: 2:05 pm.
At 3:01 pm the doorbell rings. A gentleman, of calm and efficient mien, stands before me with the goods, all as requested, with four minutes to spare. I hand over the cash, and he’s gone before the beer has even started sweating.
How much? On its own, this Saturday-night survival kit, including taxes and deposit fees, would have come to $64.32. Delivered, it costs $81.93, including a $2 surcharge for the stop at the grocery store, plus tip. Not cheap, but probably less than a cab ride to the LCBO, Beer Store, variety store and home.
Owner Fernie DeSilva claims his dial-a-bottle is Toronto’s oldest, dating back to the time when some people may still have been actually dialling. Over the years, its services have extended beyond Smirnoff and Cheezies.
“I had an NBC-TV guy call me from New York”, recalls Fernie. “He wanted to give somebody a vintage 1977 bottle of wine. We couldn’t find it anywhere.
“We deliver all kinds of stuff. One regular customer had a leak in his waterbed and called to see if we could pick up a garden hose.”
Cue the wah wah guitar pedal.
