What to know
- Women’s pleasure is just as important as men’s—open communication and self-exploration are key to reclaiming it.
- Faking orgasms is common, but more women are now prioritizing their own satisfaction and voicing their needs.
- Self-pleasure is empowering and helps women understand what they enjoy, free from shame or stigma.
International Women’s Day is here, and there’s no better way to celebrate women than by reclaiming female pleasure in the bedroom – with or without a partner.
Society has conditioned women to believe sex is “dirty,” and treats female self-pleasure as a taboo topic. But porn exists and is usually male-driven, and a lot of it is in the form of “entertainment” with a woman putting on a “show” and making loud noises to please men, making women believe sex is just about making a man ejaculate.
Men shouldn’t be the only ones satisfied; women’s pleasure should also be at the forefront. And sex and intimacy coach Gina Marie lives by one virtue: the more orgasms we all could have, the better the world will be for it.
How many Toronto women are faking an orgasm?
Now Toronto asked women in the city how they have sex and whether they truly experience orgasm.
Taylor, a Toronto resident, admitted she faked an orgasm because she’s had partners who’ve “tried so hard for [an orgasm] to happen.”
“You know what, let me just fake it,” she said to Now Toronto.
She’s not alone in this experience.
Julie echoed the sentiment, faking it so that the guy knows she’s interested in him, and so that he doesn’t “feel left out.”
Another Torontonian, Zakiya, admitted she did the same in her younger years to avoid breaking a man’s ego, but has since matured.
Finally, Gabriela did what all these other women did: fake an orgasm – but only with men.
“I just scream and say ‘Oh yes, I already came,’” she laughed, but admitted with girls, she never has to fake it.
Expert tips on communicating female pleasure
It seems that in 2026, women are done faking an orgasm for a man, and are communicating their sexual wants and needs to their partner.
Marie suggests setting aside a specific time when both partners will be available and present for a conversation. Here are her tips:
- Identify what you’re feeling.
- Request a time to chat.
- Let them know how you feel.
- Express excitement to explore new things with your partner.
- Ask for openness and consent, because “consent and safety is sexy.”
Diving into female self-pleasure
How do you first identify what you’re feeling when sex is such a taboo topic? Marie recommends the empowering act of self-exploration.
“Even if it’s just five minutes a week, to connect with their own pleasure, to offer themselves that sensual self-care that also warms up their waters,” she explained.
And not everything needs to be intercourse related. Self-pleasure should be a “reclaiming activity that helps a woman understand what kind of touch she really likes,” even if it’s just dancing naked.
Another method to self-explore is owning a vibrator, which men sometimes hate or feel uncomfortable with – but women should do anyway.
“We have to release the shame of owning sex toys and pleasure treasures. A woman who is connected to her sexuality is a very powerful woman,” she said, adding that for a man, that can trigger feelings of “jealousy.”
“This is known throughout history, when women are connected to their sexuality, they are reclaiming their pleasure, they’re attuned to their own body. We are physiologically, neurologically, psychologically, and emotionally more alive and more confident. We are great leaders, and we’re better communicators, from a whole and integrated place.”
Women in Toronto’s experiences in communicating their sexual wants and needs
Since her fake orgasm days, Taylor has started steering her partner in the right direction, communicating the importance of reciprocated sex.
“[Men aren’t] willing to do oral, you know, eat you out, but they want their parts to be sucked,” she explained, adding that wouldn’t be the right man for her.
Julie echoes Taylor’s sentiment once again, emphasizing the joys of receiving oral pleasure. “I love it when a guy goes down on me” And she spills the tea that when it’s good, it’s really good. “I kept on squirting and squirting.”
Zakiya follows that conversation model, explaining that she shares her preferences with her partner out loud.
Gabriela happily said that she never even had to communicate her preferences with women and that it’s always good, but that “men, they never know,” and she has to explain what she likes.
How women in Toronto are self-pleasuring
Julie and Zakiya proudly explore and pleasure themselves.
Julie came out of the Stag Shop, explaining she uses a massage wand to self-pleasure. “I was just in my room, I don’t have anybody, and I was just going to do it myself. I was by myself, and then I just did it, and I was like, ‘This feels really good,’ and I was just trying to practice my moaning,” she explained.
Zakiya self-pleasures, joking that she is “old school” and “flicks the bean.”
How to get turned on
Women don’t get turned on the same way men do. Most men think of sex and have a spontaneous desire that gets their “sexual waters” hot, Marie explains. She shares that women can have that too, but, in her experience working with hundreds of women, a woman’s desire and pleasure systems are more responsive. “We need to have more of a context that allows us to feel more warmed up and safe.”
Women need more build-up, more touch, more eye contact.
“The women’s biggest sexual organ is our brain… Feeling seen, feeling stimulated by our partner mentally and intellectually,” she described.
Challenges in female pleasure
Some women might have different diagnoses that can impact their ability to feel pleasure because they might also feel pain, Marie explains. But there’s also a mindset shift, or a sense of safety, to get into after working with a physiotherapist, pelvic physio, or gynecologist, that you’re now safe. “Pleasure and orgasm are physical, but they’re also relational, energetic and emotional.”
Reclaiming pleasure
It’s important to remember to connect with ourselves before our partner, and that sex should not be like porn filmed from a male-driven perspective.
“The truth of sex is that it’s kind of messy… You don’t always have a full face of makeup on and wear lingerie, right? Like, sometimes it’s messy, it’s loud, it’s sweaty, right? Or it could be quiet and adorable, you know, just waking up beside someone like on a Sunday morning,” she said.
Marie continued. “I sometimes wish we could see the erotic as so much more than what we’ve been fed. It’s really a picture of a painting that you could paint with your own life, your own energy, or all the aspects of who you are – and that it can be very individual, and that’s perfect, if it suits you.”
