In this year’s Love & Sex survey, many NOW readers wrote to us with questions about threesomes: How do they work? How do you suggest one to a partner? We spoke with a 20-something Torontonian (who wishes to remain anonymous) about her experience using a dating app specifically for matching couples and singles for potential threesomes.
I’ve had a threesome fantasy for as long as I’ve been sexual.
So I downloaded 3nder, a threesome dating app (it’s now called Feeld). I had just gone through an upsetting heartbreak. I had been in a monogamous relationship with a man, one that I’d hoped was going somewhere, and then it didn’t. I decided to take a shitty situation and explore a fantasy.
I’m what’s called a “unicorn.” We’re rare and mystical, a straight girl who wants to have non-committal sex with a heterosexual couple. I only visualize myself being the third. In my own monogamous relationships, I’ve never wanted to bring in a third – I would be too jealous.
“Fun, silly and sarcastic girl looking to fulfil a fantasy.” That’s what my bio said on the app.
Feeld looked like any other dating app: you make a profile either as a single or a couple, add photos, say what you’re looking for and then start swiping. Also like any other dating app, there’s a huge mixed bag of couples. There’s all shapes, sizes, races, everything. There are couples in leather, or where every picture of them is with a drink in their hand at the club, or all mirror selfies. I was a 25-year-old millennial hipster, and there are some of those, too.
When I started chatting with the couple I’d later have a threesome with, it was really cordial at first. “Hey, how was your weekend?”, “Tell me about yourself.” Looking back, I can’t believe it turned into something sexual. After chatting on the app, we decided to go out for coffee. That’s definitely the most awkward greeting you’ll ever have in your life.
This was my first time going on a “first date” that wasn’t about dating. It’s purely sexual. So you have to cut to the shit. They had never had a threesome before either. They told me their fantasy came from watching porn, which was the same for me. At the end, I hugged them both.
The next week, we went out for a drink. They are a beautiful couple and I was definitely attracted to them. We went back to his place for more drinks and I remember thinking, “How do we even start?” We talked about our ground rules (mine: no butt stuff, use condoms if there’s penetrative sex). Laying out the ground rules can be super-awkward, but you need to have that conversation. You might think, “He doesn’t seem like a guy into choking…” or “they don’t seem like they’re going to tie me up…” but you never know.
That first night, we all initially chickened out. I had my coat on and started putting on my shoes when the woman said “Wait,” and started to kiss me. After, it all felt so incredibly natural. He started rubbing our backs, and eventually my hand was on his leg and her hand was on his dick. Nothing too crazy happened that night, but it was a great preview.
A week later we met again, and then a few more times over the next few months. I’ve never felt sexier than when I was with them. To have two wonderful people worshipping you, obsessing over your body, feeling like a star for the night, is so incredible.
Afterwards, I’d tuck them into bed, kiss them both good night and call an Uber. I think we had a fairy tale threesome a fairy tale porno.
