‘We’d have fights about it’: Would you date someone with different political beliefs than yourself? Torontonians and an expert weigh in

You hit it off with someone, but then politics come up. Maybe they don’t vote, or their political views are the opposite of yours. Is it a dealbreaker, or can love survive a difference in beliefs?

Olivia Chow and Brad Bradford have been front runners in the upcoming Oct. 26 mayoral election.

With the city under an election buzz, for Toronto daters, the “Who are you voting for” conversation can come up and often lead to awkward, make-it-or-break-it moments in relationships.

So, for this edition of This is Dating Now, we asked Torontonians if different political views matter in a romantic relationship.

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• Olivia Chow’s lead over Brad Bradford shrinks to four points after Chris Alexander exits mayoral race

Would you date someone with different political beliefs?

Toronto resident Sarah B. says she would absolutely swipe left on someone with different political beliefs on a dating app.

“If I hadn’t met them yet, and I knew they had an entirely different political view than I, I probably would not go on a first date with them. It would hold me back,” she told Now Toronto.

But if she’s already met them and started developing a crush, she would stay if the pair can move past the issue in a healthy way.

“I think sometimes it can make a relationship a little bit more difficult, but I would hope that a healthy relationship would allow each other space to have separate political views and also space to keep them private if it’s better for the relationship to do so,” Sarah explained.

Toronto resident James C. says personally, it doesn’t matter — to an extent.

“I think a relationship is all about finding mutual interests, and if you’re gonna constantly combat each other on various political issues, then it’s not gonna work out long term,” he told Now Toronto.

James says everyone is entitled to their own interpretations and beliefs, and living in a diverse country, it can be hard to find someone with the exact same beliefs as yourself.

“As long as they’re not like, ‘If you have a different political opinion, I’ll kill you in your sleep,’ then yeah, it’s fine,” James joked.

Toronto resident George O. says it can definitely matter, but it shouldn’t.

“Really and truly, whoever runs the country runs the country. As long as you try to make yourself better and your partner better and the community better, that’s all that should matter,” he said.

According to Toronto Dating Hub Founder and Dating Coach Andrea Lo, it’s okay to date someone with opposite political beliefs, as long as the pair can “agree to disagree in a healthy manner.”

“If you mostly agree and just disagree on a few issues, that’s manageable. But if your views are very different (especially if they are polar opposites), I don’t think it works long-term realistically,” Lo told Now Toronto.

How can it be healthy?

Lo says to lead with curiosity instead of correction. Ask what experiences shaped their views instead of “How can you possibly think that?” she explained.

Set boundaries: no name-calling, sarcasm, or “trying to win,” and then agree to disagree.

How can you tell the difference between a political disagreement and an incompatibility in deeper values?

“Two people can disagree on a policy and still want the same outcome, like safer communities or more affordable housing, and just disagree on how to get there. That’s a disagreement,” Lo explained.

“If the conversation reveals that you fundamentally disagree on who deserves dignity, respect, or basic rights, that’s a values gap, and realistically, no amount of compromise fixes that,” Lo compared.

Would you date someone who doesn’t vote?

Sarah B. jokes, “We’d have fights about it,” and says voting matters.

But James C. doesn’t really care — and says he’s one of the Toronto daters who often forgets to vote.

“Honestly, there have been times when I haven’t voted. If I finish at 8 p.m. and the polls are closed, I’m like, ‘Oh well, missed my chance,’” James explained.

George O. echoes James, saying he also forgets to vote — but says he wants to change that.

“I’m one of those people, and I know it’s bad. As things go around you and you start to notice things, it just makes you want to vote more. I guess it’s time for me to just start voting,” George said.

Can a ‘We don’t talk about politics’ relationship work?

Sarah B. says she hasn’t had one before, but that it might be too difficult to keep political thoughts quiet.

James C., on the other hand, says it is possible.

“I know some people who are in those types of relationships, and they’re going pretty strong,” he said.

But George O. agrees with Sarah B., saying, “It always comes up.”

“Especially as you get older, it’s something you can’t avoid,” he explained.

Though George adds it shouldn’t be a make-or-break moment. ​

Lo, on the other hand, says not talking about politics can only make a relationship work short-term—maybe.

“Long term, almost never,” she said. “Politics shows up everywhere: at the dinner table, at family holidays, in how you spend money, in how you raise kids. Avoiding the topic doesn’t make the difference go away.”

Lo says if you’re looking for a serious relationship, bring politics up before you’re emotionally invested.

“Earlier, as part of your qualifying and vetting process. You don’t need to grill someone on a first date or two. [But] if you’re thinking about something long-term, have the real conversation before you’re emotionally invested. It’s much harder to walk away at month eight than at date four,” she said.

What questions should someone ask themselves before getting serious with someone who has very different political beliefs?

Lo says to ask yourself these six questions:

• Do we share the same core values underneath the politics?
• Do I respect how they arrived at their views, even if I disagree?
• When we disagree, am I curious about their view, or just waiting to correct them?
• Can we talk about this calmly, or does it always turn into a fight?
• Could I raise kids, build a home, or face a crisis with this person and still feel aligned?
• Am I hoping they’ll change? (If so, be honest with yourself. Most people don’t.)