Pride Month has come and gone but the discrimination queer families face persists every day. However, these families are not alone and Toronto has a number of programs dedicated to helping queer families thrive.
According to a 2022 report from Statistics Canada, about four per cent of the population aged 15+ (around one million people) are 2SLGBTQ+, and we are coupling up. Census data shows that in 2021, there were more than 127,600 2SLGBTQ+ couples in Canada.
Examples of a queer family include those with same-sex parents, 2SLGBTQ+ children, a single queer parent or a blend of heterosexual and queer parents and step-parents. Regardless, these families face unique challenges and require curated support.
Many queer parents find themselves excluded from community groups, and face homophobia and discrimination while accessing social services. Meanwhile, parents of 2SLGBTQ+ children often struggle with issues like being ostracized by their friends and families due to their children’s identity, or struggling to find the right resources to allow them to support their kids.
“Queer youth, queer families, they are unique and we don’t fit into heteronormative ideas. We don’t necessarily fit into the models that a lot of services, institutions and government bodies might have crafted for what a family is, what it looks like,” Lauren Pragg, executive director of Toronto-based organization LGBT Youthline, told Queer & Now.
“Even the age that people go through certain changes and challenges [is different], [or] when accessing gender-affirming care, a lot of young people run into issues accessing those services because they don’t have supportive parents.”
Queer & Now spoke to several services for 2SLGBTQ+ parents, youth, and families in Toronto to find out how they are bridging the gap to support the needs of our communities.
LGBT YOUTHLINE
LGBT Youthline is a charity that provides peer-to-peer support for 2SLGBTQ+ youth aged 29 and under through a helpline that can be accessed by chat or text.
“Our services are unique in that they allow young queer and transgender people to speak with other people within the same demographic who can really empathize, understand and share their lived experiences,” Pragg explained.
Young people who are exploring their gender and sexual identity are in a particularly vulnerable period in their life, Pragg says, and can often benefit from the advice and support of someone who had a similar journey.
“They may not feel supported in their family lives or homes. So it really is, in my mind, a way that communities take care of each other. We know how difficult it can be and we want to make sure that nobody feels like they are by themselves in navigating all that,” Pragg said.
Pragg explained that homophobia creates barriers for many 2SLGBTQ+ people accessing services like healthcare, therapy, and education.
“We don’t try to deliver all of that, but we try to support people as they navigate all of those gaps and challenges and oppressions.”
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In addition to directly helping queer youth, the organization is also able to aid parents with their journey of supporting their children.
“We do have parents who sometimes reach out to the helpline, whether it’s to support their child in accessing our services, or asking about services they can access,” Pragg explained, adding that they are often referred to services like PFlag that can support parents through this process.
“We love when adults are supportive of the youth in their lives, but we also do really understand that that is really not the case for everyone in our communities,” Pragg continued.
“The idea of queer family is very expansive and it doesn’t necessarily just mean biological family.”
Find out more about LGBT Youthline here.
TORONTO PFLAG
Formed in the 1970s, not long after Canada decriminalized homosexuality in 1969, Toronto Pflag is a grassroots organization working to dismantle homophobia and transphobia and support 2SLGBTQ+ people and their families by providing a variety of critical resources, including online and in-person support meetings that assist approximately 75 people every month, and a manned support line.
“When my kid came out I felt very alone for a very long time,” Toronto Pflag President Lisa DelCol told Queer & Now, adding that she did not know anyone else who had a non-binary child.
“So, having the opinion of people around you who have been through this, who are on the other side and can say ‘I remember when my kid came out, I remember feeling very alone…but now my kid is awesome,’ is so important for other parents to hear that and see that.”
DelCol explained that connecting with the parents of other 2SLGBTQ+ children can be a great way for them to overcome misinformation, fear-mongering and stigma surrounding queer communities. It is also a beneficial way to get support through unique situations, like changing a child’s name or pronouns or sharing their child’s identity with their extended family.
“A parent can’t advocate for their kid if they aren’t supported themselves.”
PFlag also works to break down this stigma and support 2SLGBTQ+ communities by facilitating workshops for businesses and free school presentations for grades two through 12.
You can find out more about their services, including information on the various support groups it organizes here.
GAY FATHERS OF TORONTO
Since 1978, Gay Fathers of Toronto (GFT) has been supporting fathers who are members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community. What started as a series of letters between queer fathers over four decades ago has blossomed into a series of weekly meetings that provide a safe and inclusive environment for the discussion of issues faced by queer fathers.
John St. John, president of the GFT steering committee, told Queer & Now that the group grew and evolved out of the unique needs of queer fathers in the 1970s, many of whom had recently left their wives, or were facing custody battles where their sexual identity could be used against them. While the laws pertaining to queer parents and couples have changed, many fathers still combat similar struggles.
“Many men that come to our group are lonely. They don’t have large peer support or any support… Many times we see people coming from different cultures or different religions where still, being gay is not OK, it’s against the law, and they’ll be outcast from their family.”
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The group alternates weekly between in-person and online meetings, discussing everything from internalized homophobia to spousal alienation and coming out to their children.
“People in those situations really have nobody to talk to, nobody to turn to. They find themselves in a situation where they’re not in a situation where it is safe to be themselves.”
Find out more about Gay Fathers of Toronto here.
GLITTERBUG
Glitterbug is a program facilitated by The 519 that promotes inclusion and affirmation of gender and sexual diversity among children and families. The mobile Glitterbug program uses a play-based learning approach to promote inclusion through drop-in programming at different EarlyON centres across Toronto since 2019.
Funded by the Ministry of Education in partnership with the City of Toronto, Glitterbug provides workshops for parents, caregivers, and guardians, drop-in programming to support 2SLGBTQ+ inclusion across different EarlyON centres, and designated programming for queer families.
“[We are] able to bring that queer play-based program knowledge to these different EarlyONS with a queer lens, which is not something that a lot of EarlyONS can do without support,” The 519’s Manager of Child and Family Programs Sharn Peters told Queer & Now.
Peters explained that while all EarlyON programs are mandated to provide inclusive programming, many facilitators do not understand what inclusive programming looks like for 2SLGBTQ+ children aged newborn to six years old. But through the mobile Glitterbug programming, they can support these early education centres in catering to the needs of 2SLGBTQ+ clients.
Programming includes more inclusive stories and nursery rhymes, delivering materials for parents and caregivers to learn more about 2SLGBTQ+ identities, and workshops on allyship.
“So, I just don’t stand up in front of a room teaching folks how to be inclusive. But rather, I’m doing it in a way [that] they can take what they learned into their own home environment, into the environment of their children,” Glitterbug coordinator Niña Cabaguio shared.
“Niña’s introducing language, she’s introducing concepts, and she’s also making it a safe space, a brave space, so people can ask questions and not feel judged by these questions,” Peters explained.
In 2023 alone, there were over 3,500 participants in the Glitterbug program. Peters explained why, as an early childhood educator, she believes it is important to offer these inclusive and affirming services to very young children.
“If we are isolating children to close off themselves, a big way of expressing themselves, we’re setting them up to feel shame about themselves, we’re setting them up to feel as if they’re not part of community, and that isolation only leads to teenagers that have emotional issues,” Peters explained. “We cannot let these children fall through the cracks without that support.”
“We’re supposed to be the ones that are setting the next generation for success. It has to start with us.”
You can find out more about Glitterbug here.
