What to know
- Torontonians are taking breakup drama to social media, sharing stories and details about their exes — sometimes framed as warnings, sometimes as public vent sessions.
- A Toronto lawyer says when someone is identifiable and their reputation takes a hit, those posts can cross into defamation territory — especially as views climb.
- A breakup coach says while public exposure can feel validating in the moment, it can also prolong heartbreak and turn a one-sided story into a permanent digital record.
Thinking of warning others about your ex on social media? Whether it’s out of care or for revenge, posting about heartbreak can lead to emotionally and financially expensive consequences.
Everyone has heard of the “Are we dating the same person?” forums on Facebook, but Torontonians took a twist to the trend and started publishing their stories and descriptions of their exes online.
Through TikTok and Facebook, Torontonians are embracing the trend.
Weirfoulds LLP Partner Carlos Martins viewed a video that has since been deleted by a Toronto-based TikToker and shared his legal perspective. In the video, she described possibly the most identifiable characteristic of her ex. “He’ll say it’s just a type, but he’s a white man and only dates Asians,” she slammed.
But according to Martins, that might not be enough to classify as grounds for a lawsuit.
“If that is the true statement, that’s not defamatory, unless there’s some other innuendo there,” he explained.
What counts as defamation?
He shares that, for something to be defamatory, he looks for “something that would make other people look at him differently.”
The video sat at around 20,000 views before its deletion, which is a considerable amount. But Martins explains that both having a large reach and having the people most important to the person you’re describing see the video can lead to a defamation lawsuit.
He gives an example: “When you go to the grocery store and you see somebody who used to be your friend, you go to say hi and they turn away, and you’re thinking ‘Ah, is it because they saw [the video]?’ That’s called damages at large due to the embarrassment and emotional upset of being disparaged to the world.”
In contrast, there’s special damages where you can count money you’ve lost, whether it’s your job, a business opportunity, or to pay a reputation management company to rehabilitate your reputation.
Is it worth it?
Natalia Juarez, a breakup coach and founder of Lovistics, understands exposing an ex online might make sense emotionally and psychologically, but emphasizes that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s healthy.
“That public exposure, just acknowledgement and validation, can feel like they’re reclaiming some power,” Juarez told Now Toronto.
But she clarifies that things can get concerning when the lines start to blur into revenge, which is not emotional regulation.
“It can feel somewhat stabilizing in the very, very short term, but over time, it can just prolong that attachment because you’re putting energy into it.”
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It might feel good to expose your ex online, she stresses that revenge fantasies should stay as such – fantasies.
“When we are in such a raw state, it can get views and traction, but it isn’t necessarily the right attention,” Juarez said.
Posting a story about your ex is also “one-sided,” she states, adding that the perspective is a “one-dimensional narrative.” She also expresses the importance of self-accountability and growth.
“If we turn our ex into the villain, we are externalizing that responsibility onto them, and we lose the opportunity to also explore our own patterns… It can be empowering, but it can also be disempowering in another way, and your emotional state will change. But the internet is forever. It does not forget,” she said.
Juarez says in all, it’s best to post from a grounded place rather than being reactive and impulsive.
Safety versus retaliation
In cases where an ex was abusive, and you genuinely want to warn others, she shares some healthy ways she would suggest (without having consulted a lawyer) that Torontonians pursue sharing their story.
“You can anchor it in your own experience,” she said, adding that this enables the ability to teach people how to look out for controlling behaviours.
“I am recently out of something, recently out of an unhealthy, toxic relationship, and now that I’ve had a bit of distance, I can really see it for what it really was. For example, these controlling behaviours. And let me just tell you, it is not okay for someone to tell you what to do, to monitor who you spend time with… It doesn’t start off that way,” she explained.
In this case, Juarez shares that posting a video expressing heartbreak is very different from posing a real safety risk.
Martins agrees with Juarez’s example, because you’re not making the person identifiable or lowering their reputation in a regular person’s view. However, if you proceed to name-drop, you have to be ready to face a possible lawsuit. So what defenses can you use?
- Truth or justification.
- Fair comment: broadcasting or publishing an opinion that can be proven by facts that eventually lead to that opinion.
- Responsible communication: not motivated by malice and did due diligence, even if something ends up being wrong.
This story previously included a Toronto-based TikTok creator, but her video has since been removed from the platform.
