What to know
- Data from Ashley Madison shows places like Victoria, Barrie, and Peterborough topping the list for new non-monogamy sign-ups, outpacing major urban centres.
- Sex and couples therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson says people are increasingly exploring alternative relationship models and being more honest about what they want.
- Torontonians interviewed emphasized that open relationships only work when everyone involved is on the same page, though some say it wouldn’t work for them personally.
As many Canadians search for “the one,” it turns out plenty of others are looking for more than one, and not in the big cities you’d expect.
According to new data from dating and social networking platform Ashley Madison, non-monogamy is booming in Canada’s smaller towns, and far faster than most people realize.
The company has released its annual list of the top 10 non-monogamy hot spots in the country, ranking the cities that saw the highest rates of new sign-ups over the past year. And this time, major urban centres didn’t come close to leading the pack.
This year’s top non-monogamy hot spots are:
- Victoria, BC
- Barrie, ON
- Peterborough, ON
- Kelowna, BC
- Kingston, ON
- Kamloops, BC
- Belleville, ON
- Fredericton, NB
- Lethbridge, AB
- Moncton, NB
Is this surprising? Not to sex and couples therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson who tells Now Toronto that curiosity about alternative relationships is growing everywhere, but smaller communities may simply be catching up.
“As we get into the colder months of the year, people are home on their computers more, and so they’re more curious,” Nelson said. “They’re asking themselves: What can I explore in my own relationship continuum? What’s available? What’s out there?”
Nelson says the rise is being driven by a combination of access and curiosity, as well as a shift in how people think about honesty in relationships.
“People are becoming more comfortable with themselves, and as a result, more honest about what they want in a relationship and who they may want,” she explains.
She adds that in smaller communities, communication often becomes even more crucial.
“If you’re in a smaller community, it might mean communicating not just with the people you’re in relationships with, but also with your kids, your family, your parents, your brothers and sisters, because probably more people are going to know,” she said.
WHAT TORONTONIANS THINK ABOUT NON-MONOGAMY
On the streets of Toronto, reactions to non-monogamy were fairly mixed, but one theme came up repeatedly: consent and communication matter.
“If each party is in agreement, yes, I think it could work,” Tiffany K said. “But if it’s on the down low, no, not a chance.”
While she doesn’t see an open relationship working for herself, she says it could make sense for others who are clear about their boundaries.
Another local, Jonathan D. echoed that idea, saying openness depends less on labels and more on the people involved.
“It really depends on the person, what they’re open to and what they’re not,” he said. While he isn’t looking for anything serious right now, Jonathan added that non-monogamy could work for some couples, even if it’s not for everyone.
Meanwhile, for Peter N., the idea was met with a more laid-back shrug.
“You gotta do your thing,” he said. “What works for you might not work for me.” Whether it’s monogamous or open, Peter said the key is doing what feels right for the people involved.
While others were more certain about their limits.
“I think if everybody in the relationship is on the same page, then absolutely,” Kelly B. said. “But it wouldn’t work for me personally, I’m a jealous human being.”
The responses suggest that while non-monogamy may be gaining visibility, it remains a deeply personal choice, one shaped less by trends and more by trust, honesty, and self-awareness.
