Too many options, too few matches: Has Toronto’s dating scene made settling down impossible?

While Toronto’s dating scene promises many options, the reality is that a lot of singles aren’t finding true matches. But does a better match really await elsewhere, or are Torontonians just drawn to the idea that the grass is greener on the other side?

The paradox of choice means that many Torontonians struggle to commit, suggesting that more options can actually make finding a meaningful relationship harder, not easier.

For this edition of This Is Dating Now, Now Toronto asked Torontonians if everyone’s always looking for the next best thing in dating, and a dating expert shared his thoughts.

Is social media the problem?

Toronto resident Jason believes that social media is constructing the narrative that people have more choices than they really do, and makes people not want to settle down.

Jason also added that dating apps offer many options, but mostly for hookup culture. “Swipe [right] means you’re hitting or whatever.”

He specified he’s never on the apps because he’s looking for something serious, investing his time in one person that has energy that he vibes with.

Relationship Coach Roman Mironov believes social media has “changed the dating scene forever.​

“The best-looking people on social media can be accessed by everyone else in the world, so they have tons of options. The people who are less good-looking think that because they can access them on social media, they deserve better than they would normally get,” Mironov told Now Toronto.

“Social media and the ease of access make it appear that you have too many choices and you can always do better than what you’re doing right now, but this is just what it seems,” he added.

Are Torontonians asking for too much?

Torontonian Nema believes in old-school dating. Rather than meeting people online, she likes to meet people “in the flesh.”

But she believes that because the dynamic has changed between men and women as society progressed, the expectations are making it harder for Torontonians to find a partner.

“I actually wonder about women, maybe because they’re not as reliant on men economically anymore,” Nema said. “It’s not too long ago that part of a woman’s livelihood was dependent on a man, especially if they were going to have children. But now I think the birth rates have been decreasing.”

Mironov agrees with Nema, believing that the main problem with settling down is having too many expectations of the other person nowadays.

“Back in the day, a guy was supposed to be a good provider and a woman to be a good mom,” he said. “Now, we are expecting them to be our partner, to be a great travel companion, the best conversationalist, very fun, very romantic. These expectations are really what make it difficult to settle down.”

Torontonian Hunter seems to believe dating apps make things worse. “It’s almost a little bit dystopian that you can sit and just swipe on people.”

Mironov agrees that, by filtering to only a small percentage of the population, daters are often deceived by the 6-foot 5-in., blue-eyed stereotype.

Is everyone in Toronto single? This Hamiltonian seems to think so…

“The way socio-economic stuff has changed is a big factor because people aren’t in the same situations they used to be… People aren’t making as much relative to what the cost of living is,” Hunter told Now Toronto. “If people don’t think they can afford a home or kids, people are like, ‘What am I committing to?’” he added.

He compared the dating scene to smaller cities, like his hometown of Hamilton, where it “seems like everyone’s coupled up,” versus in Toronto, “everyone’s single in their 30’s.”

So for him, settling down is only worth it with someone with whom he can balance his finances, someone with whom he can have trust, comfort, and someone you can spend Sunday afternoons with folding laundry.

Are you part of the problem?

If you recognize yourself in always wanting better or in fearing commitment, Mironov suggests not over-relying on social media or dating to approach people, because it’s very focused on looks.

“Try to get out more, speak down to earth and approach people more in social settings… Pursue your hobbies outside of online activities and just meet more people in real-life settings,” he said.