What to know
- Many Torontonians are open to commuting long distances for dates, but the effort often depends on the occasion and how invested they are.
- Dating expert Laura Bilotta cautions that commuting should feel balanced, with both partners putting in effort to avoid resentment.
- Communication, clear boundaries and intentional dating are key to making medium-distance relationships work.
Do you think your soulmate is in Toronto, or can love go beyond the walls of the city?
Commuting between the Greater Toronto Area can become quite a long task – especially with traffic. Sometimes, your potential partner might live in Mississauga, Brampton, or even farther away – turning your love life into a long-distance relationship.
@lifeofbecky I hate Sundays 😭😭 see you next weekend pooks #mediumdistancerelationship #couples #pov #fyp #brokenheart ♬ original sound – Shards & Sham
Exploring a medium distance relationship – with a partner around one to three hours away by ground transportation – can be quite a difficult task.
For this edition of This Is Dating Now, Now Toronto asked Torontonians how far they would be willing to commute for a date, and a dating expert shared her thoughts.
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- Should you kiss on the first date? Toronto residents share their thoughts
Does the occasion matter?
Toronto resident Ramsuy said he would commute from downtown Toronto to Guelph for a date.
He shared that he appreciated the previous efforts of someone he’s dated who commuted about an hour for him, so he’s open to doing the same.
Though the commuting distance depends on the type of date. “The occasion should be proportional. The fancier the dinner, the longer I’d go,” he said.
Founder of matchmaking company Single in the City, Laura Bilotta, disagrees with the hype over dinner dates. “The whole idea of meeting up is to get to know a person,” she said. Bilotta encourages asking yourself a few questions while dating:
- Is there a connection?
- Do I like this person?
- Do I like spending time with this person?
She preaches one-hour meet-ups to remove pressure, and highlights that dinner dates are a time-consuming and expensive commitment.
Who should commute in a relationship?
Toronto resident Aran won’t actually commute for a date – he believes the person interested in him should commute for him.
Bilotta argued against the idea, explaining that for a few dates, having one person commute for the other can seem sweet, but as things get serious, it can build resentment.
Bilotta explained that when only one partner lives downtown and the other doesn’t, both parties should put in the effort to commute.
“A lot of times, when people live downtown, they don’t leave downtown because everything’s there. So they want you to go to them,” she said.
“I think it has to feel balanced… But one person shouldn’t always be the one commuting; a good approach is to alternate. You know, maybe one date is downtown, one is closer to the burbs – or meeting somewhere in the middle,” Bilotta told Now Toronto.
Eventually, if the dates go well and the relationship gets to the point of sleepovers, that can definitely help a medium-distance relationship. Working from home can also contribute.
“I think effort is a big part of the attraction. If both people are showing up, that’s what’s going to build the momentum,” she said.
Bilotta highlighted that if boundaries on commuting are not set, one person might always expect the other to commute for them.
But Toronto resident Orcel feels grateful if a man or woman would commute to hang out with him, highlighting it’s rare in this generation.
Though he doesn’t expect it, he shared he’d commute five to 10 kilometres for a date, reflecting that anything more would enter into his past long-distance relationship trauma.
What other factors do Torontonians keep in mind?
For a university student, Brian, it depends on how much studying he has to do. With that in mind, he’d limit the commute to a 40-minute TTC ride.
When he was in high school, he drove 20 minutes to see his girlfriend at the time, but said he wouldn’t do that with a new person.
If he were to enter a medium-distance relationship, he still thinks it would be worth it. “I think all endeavours of love are worth it, always,” Brian said.
Toronto resident Alex’s willingness to commute depends on how well he knows a person.
“If I’ve met them before, I’m probably willing to go like 40 minutes. But if this is like an online thing, 20 minutes,” he told Now Toronto.
Bilotta echoed that she’s noticed many people don’t put in the effort until they meet in person. “In online dating, some people are willing to look farther, but they’re also quicker to rule someone out,” she added.
Not everyone faces the challenge of commuting for romance
Torontonian Bianca and her boyfriend both live downtown, making it pretty easy. But she explained he usually commutes more than she does. “I think that’s the ideal. I like to commute less,” she shared.
But since they live downtown, the couple doesn’t often go on dates outside of the area.
Tips to pursue a medium-distance relationship
A first date can turn into a relationship, so Bilotta shared some tips on navigating a medium-distance relationship, and it all starts with communication and intentional dating.
“In the beginning, distance matters more because you’re still trying to figure each other out. If it’s too far, it can be harder to build that momentum… But once you start seeing each other for a while and there’s that real interest, people are usually more willing to make the effort,” Bilotta told Now Toronto.
She’s a firm believer that love has no bounds, “but it has to make sense,” Bilotta added. She asked Torontonians to consider whether they’re willing to move closer to each other when the time comes, and, in the meantime, whether they are willing to commute. “If the answer is no, then don’t bother getting into that relationship,” she said.
She also added that to ensure quality time is spent together, plan dates ahead of time, make phone calls instead of always texting when apart and simply communicate.
Got a dating story for us? We want to hear it! Send your experiences to news@nowtoronto.com for a chance to be featured in a future edition of This Is Dating Now.
