Family Day, celebrated annually on the third Monday of February, is a beautiful thing, but it can be hard to enjoy the occasion when you’re not exactly “close” with your family. Enter Chosen Family Day.
In 2023, Ontario MPP Kristyn Wong-Tam put forth a bill, calling for February 22 to be declared Chosen Family Day.
“These [chosen] families are especially important to 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals who may have been rejected by their biological families,” reads Bill 64, also known as the Chosen Family Day Act.
Chosen families, often made up of friends and other community members, are often important to 2SLGBTQ+ people. Especially those who do not have the love and support of their biological family.
“Chosen families are picked instead of assigned, providing each individual the freedom to choose how they want to be understood and loved,” Bill 64 reads. “Chosen families help to impart a sense of acceptance and belonging in 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals.”
The act explains that the concept of chosen family was born out of ballroom culture, which historically has provided safe spaces for racialized members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community.
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“I introduced Bill 64 because chosen families are critical to so many communities – 2SLGBTQIA+, Immigrant, Disabled, and so many other marginalized communities have been creating chosen families forever,” Wong-Tam said in a statement to Queer & Now.
“They deserve public recognition and celebration just like families of origin do. We have Family Day in Ontario, which is marked by a public holiday, we should celebrate Chosen Family Day as well!”
Wong-Tam explained that as a teenager, they were kicked out of their parents’ home after coming out as a member of the 2SLGBTQ+ community. While they have since repaired their relationship with their parents, it was their chosen family who supported them through this difficult time.
“They made sure that I was loved, had a place to sleep, and was supported to pursue my dreams. They played a huge part in making me the community leader I am today,” they shared, explaining that this experience is what inspired them to propose a Chosen Family Day to be recognized provincewide.
“My story is not unique. So many 2SLGBTQIA+ people experience rejection and separation from their families of origin. And even accepting families often struggle to understand the experiences of their 2SLGBTQIA+ loved ones,” they explained, adding in addition to love and support, chosen families also pass down invaluable history and skills to the younger generations, just like elders in any family.
“It is critical to know your history.”
BILL 64 NOT PASSED BEFORE ELECTION CALLED
Wong-Tam’s bill was supported by MPPs Mitzie Hunter and Dr. Jill Andrew. However, the Chosen Family Day Act was not passed before Doug Ford called the upcoming provincial election, set for Feb. 27.
“When the legislature shut down, when the writ was dropped and the house was dissolved, what that meant was we lost 16 months in this term to debate, to put forth motions [and] bills, to engage with our local communities,” Andrew told Queer & Now.
“I also think that if the government of Ontario, if the Ford government, wanted to pass this legislation, it could have been passed immediately,” she explained.
According to the Ontario Legislative Assembly’s website, the Second Reading of Bill 64 was on the agenda for Nov. 6, 2024.
“I would also say that we’ve seen Doug Ford’s history already, where he got into office, and one of the first things he did, if I remember correctly, was to try to erase 2SLGBTQIA+ lives from physical education curriculum, or as it was referred to… sex-ed curriculum.”
“You know, he tried to revert [2015] legislation on sex-ed curriculum back to the 1990s which was absurd,” she continued, explaining that protests against this unfolded across the province.
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“People came by the 1000s. 10s of 1000s protested across the province to make it clear that this was an attack on queer, trans and nonbinary, families and individuals and students and kids.”
Andrew shared that as the first person who is both queer and Black to be elected to Queen’s Park, she felt a responsibility to ensure that she was a strong voice for the community. This includes working to ensure 2SLGBTQ+ people are seen and heard.
“The government has the ability at any time, frankly, to rush a Bill forward if they think it’s a priority to bring a Bill forward and do what they have to do with a majority government or a majority mandate, as we’ve been hearing in the news, with all the tariff talk,” Andrew explained.
“But when they don’t do that, that is also a political choice, and it tells us where their priorities are and where their priorities are not.”
Andrew highlighted that the provincial government has previously passed legislation focusing on days or weeks of significance.
“The question becomes, why not pass a piece of legislation that essentially says to anyone out there who is 2SLGBTQ+ that you have the right to choose the family that represents you, that keeps you safe, that gives you a sense of belonging, unapologetically and with no strings attached,” she continued.
“That feels like a piece of legislation that is nonpartisan, that everybody should be able to get behind, especially when we know we have grave homophobia and transphobia in our midst.”
Queer & Now reached out to Doug Ford’s office for comment but did not receive a response in time of publication.
COMMUNITY MEMBERS WANT CHOSEN FAMILY DAY RECOGNIZED BY THE PROVINCE
In Toronto’s Church and Wellesley Village, community members told Queer & Now that they would appreciate having the day recognized by the province as an act of solidarity for chosen families.
“Not everyone has the same opportunity to have the blood family relationships that they deserve. So, you find a chosen family through friends and other circumstances,” Aliya DeSouza said.
“Chosen family is important because that bond you have with family is something that is innate in you because you were born in a womb and you’re born into a family. But a lot of times we get abandoned,” another resident, Alla, shared.
He explained that this abandonment leads to a sense of yearning for a family unit, which can be satisfied by the love and support of chosen family members.
“So, having a chosen family is really cool because you literally get to pick and choose the people that nurture you.”
“Family isn’t necessarily who you share blood with, it’s who you bleed for,” a resident named Billy told Queer & Now.
“For me, I have such a wonderful community around [me] and without the community, I would not have been able to walk away from a toxic parent.”
Another resident, Pierson, shared that after coming out as queer, he was lucky enough to have the support of his biological family, however, his chosen family is still an important part of his life.
“I was very lucky,” he shared “But [with that support] I came to The Village and it was even easier to find a chosen family.”
