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Where do the lesbians go? Diving into the lack of spaces for queer women & people of marginalized genders, and why they’re essential

Hide & Seek event in Toronto (Courtesy: Mila Bright)

Toronto is a city known around the world as a hub of gay culture and Pride. But among the Pride events that happen every June, and the dozens of queer-focused businesses in The Church and Wellesley Village, throughout the GTA, and nationwide, there appear to be no bars dedicated to queer women in Canada. 

In 2005, queer Canadian icons Tegan and Sara asked “Where does the good go?” and in 2023 we’re still wondering the same thing! Toronto has seen “lesbian bars” come and go. Most recently, Lavender Menace, a lesbian bar located in the city’s east end, closed its doors in October 2022. The venue served both dinner and drinks and was host to many sapphic parties. We reached out to their team to discuss what led to their establishment closing but did not hear back in time for publication. 

Sadly, this is not a Canada-centric issue. According to the American campaign and documentary series The Lesbian Bar Project, today there are only 27 lesbian bars across the United States. That’s down from approximately 200 in the 1980s. This includes spaces for all queer women, as well as transgender and non-binary people. 

“The Lesbian Bar Project believes what makes a bar uniquely Lesbian is its prioritization of creating space for people of marginalized genders including women (regardless if they are cis or trans), non-binary folks, and trans men,” reads the documentary website.

So how important are these dwindling spaces to queer women, transgender and non-binary people? And how do they feel about the lack of venues in Canada dedicated to them?

WHAT ARE PEOPLE IN TORONTO SAYING?

In the second edition of Queer & Now, we explored how queer BIPOC are creating safe spaces for themselves outside of The Village, and it seems like queer women and non-binary folks are doing the same. Through parties and other events like Hide & Seek, TOASTR, and Lavender Wild, queer women and people of other marginalized gender identities are able to take over venues throughout the city, creating a space tailored to their needs and enjoyment. 

So with a plethora of bars and clubs catering to queer men, how do queer women in Toronto feel about the lack of spaces that are dedicated to them? We went to the June 3 edition of Hide & Seek to find out. 

“I’ve been out for the past 12 years. And I can say as someone who has, you know, been on the scene for this long, the spaces for women have been dwindling, and especially on Church Street,” shared a woman named Michelle, who said that as a lesbian it’s important for her to find venues and events that are dedicated to queer women, transgender and non-binary people. 

“Because like, in a cishet male world, where can we feel safe, and especially being queer?”

“Our brothers, sisters and non-binary siblings in the states are losing their rights daily, depending on their state. And so for us to be in Canada, and especially Toronto, the biggest Metropolis in the entire country, with supposedly, the biggest gay scene, it’s important that we preserve feminine spaces that allow us, especially the younger generation, to feel safe in our skin,” Michelle continued. 

“The queer women and lesbian spaces are very important to me. I’ve always looked for that community and like belonging, and the first time I ever went to Pride, I was like oh, this feels so much like home to me. I can just, like, be myself,” Amanda said, adding these events also provide a space for people who are transgender and non-binary.

“Like our world is so male-dominated. For the lesbians, you know, like, they need that space to feel safe.”

She also explained that queer women are exhausted from being fetishized by straight men. 

“But like, even at these lesbian events, like you’ll get the occasional straight men coming in. You know, like the predator type saying ‘Oh I’m looking to, like, score tonight with a lesbian,’” Amanda continued.

Hide & Seek event in Toronto (Courtesy: Mila Bright)

“I’ve known I was gay since, well, since birth basically. So for me like this type of space feels so validating and so welcoming and inclusive and I just love feeling that and I love the space. I love the energy and the people are so kind.”

“I feel like these spaces are really important because it’s somewhere where I can feel safe with my peers. And you know as a queer woman, we’re not always accepted into different spaces. So it’s great to have, you know, parties where I feel safe, where I can party with my peers, and have a good time,” shared Toronto artist Tara Lord.

“I can speak for myself, but I’m sure a lot will agree, it just makes us feel safe to just be ourselves. We can just dance wherever we want, you know, and not worry about anything,” DJ Shannyn Hill shared after her set at Hide & Seek. 

“Unfortunately, some of us have to worry about being touched or, you know, being engaged with by men in a way, manner that we don’t like, and it’s nice in these spaces because that doesn’t happen. You know, we’re all very respectful of each other and ourselves. And it’s just, it’s just good vibes,” Hill continued.

“I’m taking up space, we’re taking up space, you know, I’m able to be myself and do what I love all at the same time.”

WHERE DO THE LESBIANS GO? EVENT ORGANIZERS WEIGH IN

Tania Morano is a queer woman and promoter of TOASTR, a collection of events organized and hosted for queer women, transgender and non-binary people. 

“TOASTR kind of grew out of a need to create new spaces and new experiences for women, as well as transgender and non-binary folks because there was one point where there was really just nothing at all,” Morano said.

She shared that she believes there are a few contributing factors to the lack of brick-and-mortar spaces. These include many compounding complex social and economic factors, such as rising rents throughout Canada. However, while she understands the frustrations of fellow queer women, she believes that there are benefits to having travelling parties, as opposed to one or two bars for sapphics and other marginalized people in the queer community. 

“It’s almost like if you wanted to create spaces for women, you need to create three because you don’t want to just keep going to the same spot over and over and over again,” Morano shared.

Tania is also one of the co-producers of the CandyLand party happening during Pride weekend in Toronto. The event is co-produced by Chantelle Wright, organizer of the Toronto party series About Last Night, which includes the Hide & Seek events.

“I’ve been doing this for almost 15 years now. Just to find a safe space for women where they can go and they can be themselves and there’s no cis, hetero men kind of lingering around and bothering people is so important,” Wright said, adding that her own experiences as a lesbian have proved this.

“There have been problems in the past, where we say it’s a queer women event, and then you get guys coming in saying ‘Well I’m a lesbian, too’ or I had one issue where a group of five or six guys came in and they were playing a game of ‘who could pick up the lesbian’. So, issues like that make having a dedicated space for queer women so integral for the community.”

But those are not the only challenges that she has faced. Wright explained that at the beginning of her career hosting these events, she also faced issues securing venue spaces. 

Hide & Seek event in Toronto (Courtesy: Mila Bright)

“Most of these clubs and bars, they have a Friday night, they have a Saturday night. They don’t need you. They don’t need us. And when you say it’s all women, all they hear is we don’t drink as much as men. I’ve been told that, flat out, ‘We don’t want to give you the space because we’re gonna make less in bar sales,’.”

Wright works to create spaces for queer women in beautiful venues. From what she calls humble beginnings at Bar 120, About Last Night has worked with venues that the organizer says understand the importance of creating safe spaces, like The Drake and The Broadview. 

The event organizer also shared that her experiences being turned away from predominantly male gay bars in Toronto have only reaffirmed the need for spaces dedicated to queer women. 

“Sometimes it’s hard to feel like 2SLGBTQIA+ women, trans and non-binary people have a home, even within our own community.”

So what does she hope to see in the future?

“I want to see a dedicated space where, where women can go and it’s, it’s a sure thing, like, it’s, we know that it’s there. It’s tangible. It’s not going anywhere.”

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