What to know
- This week on This Is Dating Now, Torontonians weigh in on whether friends’ opinions should matter in dating.
- Daters agree that serious concerns deserve attention, while minor dislikes shouldn’t outweigh personal happiness.
- Toronto dating expert Shannon Tebb advises listening to trusted feedback while ultimately trusting your own instincts.
Imagine you really like the person you’re dating, but your friends aren’t impressed.
It’s a situation that can turn excitement into doubt, and forces people to question whether to trust their own feelings or the instincts of those who know them best. On this edition of This Is Dating Now, we asked Torontonians how much it really matters if your friends like your partner, and whether their opinions should shape your romantic decisions.
For many, friends offer perspective when it comes to matters of the heart. Toronto resident Ali S. says her friends’ opinions carry weight because of the longtime shared values they’ve built together over decades.
Having been with her partner for 35 years, Ali explains that the friends who witnessed the relationship blossom over the years consistently approved, and in turn, that was a confident reassurance within her partnership.
“Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been here this long,” she joked.
Ali believes that trust runs both ways, and says that if friends ever raised concerns, those conversations would be met with reflection.
“I’m pretty open with [my friends]. Ethically, we agree on very similar things. So, if it was something that was huge between us, I can’t see how I would have a significant other that wouldn’t ally with my belief system.”
Others see friends less as decision-makers and more as an extra set of eyes.
“They’re going to see things about yourself and about your relationship that you don’t see because you’re in it and maybe consumed by it,” Brett M. explained.
He says he’s personally had friends put their disapproving two cents in his dating life, which caused friction in his own relationship.
“I mean, we’re not together anymore,” he laughed.
That outside perspective can be especially helpful. Claire F. says her friends often hated her past boyfriends, and over time, she’s come to realize their instincts were right.
“Sometimes hearing your friends out isn’t the worst thing in the world, and they often can tell you things that you might not want to hear,” she explained.
“I think if you’re happy with someone, that’s what matters at the end of the day, but you should always take your friend’s input, because they love you and they’re there for you.”
Thushyant T. agrees that friends can provide clarity, especially in the early stages of dating. He says those on the outside looking in can help identify potential red flags that might otherwise be missed during the excitement of a new relationship.
“If they sense that this person’s probably not a good fit, you might want to listen and absorb that information and kind of see if she is showcasing some of those traits or characteristics. And then you make your decision.”
Even though his friends have never disliked his partner, he still believes their feedback plays a role in keeping him grounded.
“As long as you’re happy, that’s what matters. But to be honest, you do really want to get their perspective. For me, I’m very vigilant when it comes to that.”
But not everyone believes approval is essential. Chris B. says that while friends and family opinions matter to a certain extent, it’s all about the two people involved that ultimately defines a relationship.
“You want their input a little bit, because it matters. But between the two of you, as long as there’s that connection, then I think that truly matters,” he said.
SO… WHO’S RIGHT: YOU OR YOUR FRIENDS?
Toronto-based dating expert and matchmaker Shannon Tebb says balance is the biggest thing when it comes to weighing outside opinions.
“I think it’s important to kind of pay attention to their feedback, but at the end of the day, you’re the one in the relationship, and you have to trust your gut,” she told Now Toronto.
She explains that serious concerns, such as patterns of cheating, manipulation, or violence, should never be dismissed. On the other hand, minor complaints – such as they talk too much – may simply reflect personality differences. She warns that sometimes, this could negatively affect the relationship.
“Friends will always have opinions,” Tebb said. “People always have their little two cents, and sometimes that can also shift you the other direction where you’re not giving the person a fair chance and you’re canceling them out a little too early.”
Tebb’s best advice for daters is to keep dating life private in the early stages and, when appropriate, having open conversations with a partner about friends’ feedback to build understanding rather than division.
“I think you should always be open to feedback about how your friends perceive your partner, but also sit with it yourself and think about, you know, are they correct?”
Got a dating story for us? We want to hear it! Send your experiences to news@nowtoronto.com for a chance to be featured in a future edition of This Is Dating Now.
