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Album reviews Music

These Kids Wear Crowns

Rating: N


Apparently there’s a reality show on Much called DisBand that’s about fledgling bands. If These Kids Wear Crowns are an indication of what I’m missing since dropping Much from my music media roster, ignorance is bliss.

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The Chilliwack sextet are slightly better than Hedley. But fear not, there’s plenty of room to sink lower and dethrone those reigning kings of Canadian angsty rock schlock. Crowns have the tools in place: flavourless two-dimensional tunes, candy-coated vocals, synth smatterings and an obvious desire to peddle their manufactured selves to tweens.

If we’re looking for a highlight, the winner is Fifa 99, which starts as a harmless teen-love-in-crisis ditty and descends into a rap delight that not only made the hairs on my neck stand up but actually made me leave the room in disgust.

Top track: Fifa 99

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